How does it last?

How does a relationship last when both parties are in a long distance relationship (hereafter, known as LDR)? How does it last when he only calls once a day? How does it last when each call last only 3 minutes and both have to summarise their whole day in less than a minute? How does it last when he wants to call only once every 2 days because of the expensive phone bill? How does it last? Can somebody please tell me what to do?

Even though we started our relationship as a LDR thing, it's been ages since we were apart for so long. And the fact that it's gonna stay permanent as long as I study in KL and will only be back in Penang during my holidays doesn't help the longing in my heart for him. I miss him so much...and he promised long ago before he left that he'll be down in KL for a day or 2 just to see me. BUt once again, he's going to break that promise. A promise that I look forward to for weeks. He had not confirm anything yet but deep down inside, I know he won't make it. Yet, my heart hurts. And I don't want to hurt no longer. I wonder how it'll be when I leave for Perth end of next year.

Cultural Studies

I took Intro to Cultural Studies last semester and managed to garnered myself a Distinction (D). I think what helped me to get that grade was the High Distinction that was awarded to my take home exam by Dr Tara Brabazon. I thought I'd share my masterpiece here with everybody but I'm definitely not showing off. Just sharing. =) Happy reading!

P/S: No plagiarism though, please!

“The role of the intellectual is not to tell others what they have to do. By what right would he do so? The work of an intellectual is not to shape others’ political will; it is…to question over and over again what is postulated as self-evident, to disturb people’s mental habits, the way they do and think things, to dissipate what is familiar and accepted, to reexamine rules and institutions.” (Michel Foucault)

Consider Foucault’s assessment of the intellectual’s role in society. To what extent does the cultural studies critic accomplish this goal? Use at least three examples to verify you case.

Education has always been considered very important in virtually around the whole world for without education, there would not be any intellectual present and without the presence of intellectuals, there would not be constant changes in the world today. Education is a part of life and no matter how old or young one might be, life is a constant roller coaster ride of learning and being educated. Thus, it is not surprising to think generally that education can act as a resort to overcome inequalities in society. Even though many believe that this is true, the honest truth is beyond its ideal.

With the existence of education, there will be the existence of educators. Educators are also known as intellectuals. At present, there is a large group of intellectuals in the world but according to Foucault’s statement above, the work of an intellectual is not to tell others what to think or do but rather to question and criticize what may seem ordinary to others. In other words, intellectuals have to possess the wisdom to recognize ignorance and the power of assumption to be able to criticize and doubt about the on goings in the world. All men and women can be considered as intellectuals but not all will function the way Foucault had stated.

Cultural studies is considered to be a new phenomenon in the world of education, thus it is always subjected to all kinds of criticism. Yet, those who have to bear the brunt of the worst criticism is not the subject itself but rather its own critics and experts which are also intellectuals. As intellectuals, cultural studies critics have to work very hard to show that they are able to accomplish the goal that was set by Foucault. Some may think that they do not fulfill the criterias set by Foucault but this can be proven wrong for there are critics out there who do not tell people what to think or do but rather to get people to think and question the familiarity around them especially when it comes to education.

Michael Apple’s writing is full of criticism and oozes loads of sarcasm which allows his readers to identify with what he wrote and later, question the full impact of his work. In Education, Identify and Cheap French Fries (1996), Apple wrote about issues that were faced by the country that he was visiting. The most important issue was about education. According to Apple, that particular country does not have any formal educational establishment, thus its people are not educated to fight for their rights. The military-dominated government suppresses its people from gaining education to avoid any uprising because they were deprived from facilities that many take for granted such as hospitals. Based on that story, Apple argued that education is relatively and fundamentally important in every sense to avoid supremacy and exploitation of a higher class society. Words and its meanings seem to leap out from Apple’s work to his readers because they may be tempted to start questioning what people usually take for granted – the right to free education or class relations that sometimes prevent people from lower class to gain knowledge – which may result in some readers to reexamine the familiarity of education around them.

In Henry Giroux’s piece on Literacy and the Pedagogy of Political Empowerment (1987), he clearly argued about the dysfunctional education system of America by bringing his own points with remarks from Antonio Gramsci to support his case. By giving an explanation of what he thinks Gramsci’s remarks are and a clear overview of his points, Giroux is actually inviting readers to make comparison between the two of them and think about what both of them had to say about education. Giroux brought up the pros and cons of the education system in America on minorities. His arguments clearly dissipate what people think of the system; that working-class’ and minorities’ children learn reading and writing skills to succeed in school and work when both skills are used only to instruct children on what they should or should not do. Giroux distinctly challenges his readers to think and ask.

In Education under Siege (1985), Giroux and Stanley Aronowitz question about the way teachers are treated due to the crisis of public education in America. Both wrote that due to the crisis, educational reformers offered all kinds of solutions they think best that would solved the crisis promptly ignoring the teachers who were at hand. The main purpose of the teachers were eroded and they exist only to serve and implement new rules and systems that were set by the upper level of those in the department of education. Giroux and Aronowitz explained in their own terms how the system had failed and how it does not benefit teachers in public school. They both shared the sentiment that the public failed to see the key roles of teachers and that the interests of the reformers are against the traditional purpose of public education. Instead of receiving only inputs, readers are forced to give outputs because education is important especially in America.

From the three examples that were given, it is quite clear that all three critics fulfilled Foucault’s statement of an intellectual. All three of them argued their way through their writings and indirectly assert for readers not to accept blindly what is given or written to them but instead to question all things familiar especially regarding education. The three writers also reexamine the rules and institutions that were set up on education and indirectly plead with readers to take a stand. While not all intellectuals function the same way, these three writers clearly show that they do in fact belong to Foucault’s interpretation of what makes an intellectual because like Socrates, they subtlely ask questions about things and ways that people take for granted with enough wisdom to criticize on things that are not right.

My 21st Birthday

So far, so good despite all the lamenting and depression I went through yesterday afternoon. Things got better when one of my friends staying in the hostel came up to my apartment and came into my room to talk to me and my roommate. She informed us of my ex-housemates birthday and casually asked me if it's my birthday tomorrow(today). When I said yes, my roommate gave a surprised yelp because I didn't say anything about it plus she just moved in a couple of weeks ago.

My roommate(who incidentally has a loud voice despite her petite size) proceeded to go out to the living room where everybody were lounging and announced that it will be my birthday from 12am onwards that night. We actually planned to go for lunch in 1 Utama today but we had to cancelled it because Denise, my housemate, messaged me and said that she and my roommate had to attend some kind of briefing which is compulsory. Surprisingly, I'm not disappointed or anything because they've already given me hugs last night at the stroke of midnight.

So far, I'd gotten 4 Birthday phone calls, 5 hugs from my housemates and friends and a huge birthday present from Ai Ling, Carven, Chip Hui and Rachel. I will not open it til tonight but I'm very happy and touched that they remember my birthday. =D Received a lot of Birthday messages from friends since 12 last night. I think I'll continue receiving them til tonight because knowing one of my best friends, it's her style to call and wish or message a minute before birthday ends to wish Happy Birthday. We'll see how it turns out.

Going for dinner with Andrew tonight. He sort of promise me to buy me dinner on my Birthday if my bf's not around or couldn't make it down to KL to celebrate it with me. I didn't think he would be serious about it, but he meant every word that he said when he promised me.

This year's Birthday is really different from the past years that I'd celebrated mine. Even though there's no cake whatsoever, I'm not disappointed because what's most important to me is that my friends remember this special day of mine. I hope nothing will jinx it for the rest of the day for me. I'll come back later or tomorrow to edit this about how the dinner went.

[Edit: 12/08/2004, 10.40am] First things first. The present that Ai Ling, Chip Hui, Carven and Rachel gave me also came from Mei Ling and Clare. The present came in the form of a mama piggy with 3 piglets stick to its side. LoL. Quite appropriate for me since I'm using Piggymama eh? I had something from Aaron and Josephine too. It was quite a shock to me since we've only known each other for a couple of weeks and they only found out that it was my birthday when Chip and gang gave me the present yesterday morning. When they went to 1 Utama for lunch, they went and bought a cow baby beanie for me. And frankly, I LOVE it! I've been meaning to get myself a baby beanie for ages now but never did bought one cause it's a little too dear for me to get one and I love my $$ a lot. Keke.....

Anyway, Andrew had to cancel dinner with me last night because he had church practise that he couldn't escape. So instead, I asked my housemates if they want to have dinner with me instead considering our initial plan to have lunch together didn't work out. Ended up, my housemate, Denise, my roommate, Chai Wei and our friend, Janna went to 1 Utama for dinner. We were walking aimlessly around 1U for half an hour or so before deciding on having dinner at Pizza Hut. I wanted to have dinner at Fish&Co. but it was too expensive for Janna. So, we decided to go for Japanese but it turns out to be Non-Halal and Janna is a Muslim. Finally, Denise suggested Pizza and off we went to Pizza Hut. It was quite a walk because all of us were in the new wing and had to walk all the way back to the old wing for pizza.

Halfway through, Denise stopped in her tracks and said she need to buy newspapers. Chai Wei said she need to buy groceries. Hence, Janna and I went ahead to Pizza Hut to get us a place and place our order first just in case there's a big dinner crowd there. When Denise and Chai Wei finally arrived, the food has already arrived and we were tucking in pizza when Denise suddenly said, "Hey, put the pizza at the next table. Quick!" I was shocked and thought to myself, "What the heck is going on here?" when Denise produce a cake from under the table with a flourish, "Ta-da, Happy Birthday!" It was a lovely surprise. I did not see any cake when they walked in and she manage to somehow keep it out of my view until the last moment. Keke....I never expected to have a birthday cake this year. We took some pictures using Chai Wei's Nokia phone and before I blew off the candles, Denise sang the birthday song for me. When I said Denise, it's really Denise alone. Janna and Chai Wei were too embarrassed because everybody from surrounding tables turned to stare when Denise sang at the top of her voice. Keke....But I admire her courage and thoughtfulness to make it so special for me. Anyway, towards the end of the dinner, there were half a pizza left and 2/3 of a cake left. We were all too stuffed to eat anymore. Thus, all the taking away needed to be done. When I reach home, I was exhausted BUT happy!

Pre-Birthday Depression

As usual, just like every year, depression begins to set in on my Birthday eve. It's harder this year on me because this year's birthday is suppose to be extra special, and I don't feel extra special or even special at all so to speak. Morning class at 9 started off ok for me. At least Mabel came in to give a guest lecture instead of Mark. If it were Mark, I'd probably be lost half way through the lecture because he sometimes speaks like a bullet train and his words and all mix and it sounds like he's mumbling or something like that. But I do try to make an effort to catch what's he talking about, I try my best at least.

Like I said, class was quite ok when it started out. Until the break. DUring the 10 minutes break that Mabel gave us, I feel kind of left out. My friends were all talking to each other and whenever I walked towards them, they will disintegrate the group and just keep quiet. If they're talking about their MRM thing, they could just tell me what they're talking about and I'll take my cue and walk away. But if they're not, couldn't they just share it with me? I mean, that's what friends do right? Or maybe, I'm just an acquaintance of theirs that happen to hang out a lot with them. But that should render me as friend rather than an acquaintance. SOmetimes when I find out that they go out together during the weekends and I'm not invited(I only find out after they came back from the outings), I feel heavy hearted, sad. Maybe I'm just too sensitive for my own good. There were so many times where I told myself not to care, to enjoy life as it is, without complications and things, but I can't help it. Why must I be so emotional? WHy can't I be built the way a lot of people are to avoid being so sensitive? WHy must God make me the way I am? I don't find myself useful in society. I contribute nothing to God, society or my friends. I'm just one extra soul that God created to put in this world. Maybe His aim in creating me is to add numbers to a world that's already full of population. Maybe when He created me, He had hopes and dreams for me but I dashed them all away when I turned away from him. THere are so many maybes and I wouldn't know which one it is that made me the way I am right now.

My heart hurts when my friends treat me the way they did just now. Maybe they didn't mean it. Like I said, maybe I was just being extra sensitive. But if affected my mood so badly that I was just listening to Mabel's lecture without really registering what she's talking about. As hard as I tried to concentrate, my mind keeps wondering about. Why am I not accepted to the group yet? Why do I keep feeling like an outsider? COme to think of it, why am I so desperate to get accepted? My friends put it to me having a bad mood thus they did not disturb me much. After all, I do get into one of my moods once in a while. And I don't blame them for not askign more questions because they did ask me what's wrong and I just said that I'm tired.

I hope tomorrow would be a better day for me. I don't want to feel sadness, disappointment or depression on the day I was born 21 years ago. It's a special day after all, it's even more special because one only turn 21 once in thier lifetime. It isn't too much to ask for a special day where people remembers my birthday for once and actually celebrate it with me right?

A Relatively Normal Day

Things are pretty normal today, just like any other normal days that I had. The only UN-normal event that happen today was the "big" thing we had to do:-tell CW that we had changed to the other tut group for POM.

It all happened after Christine's class. We went outside talking when I spotted Aaron(I thought he was a Malay the first time I saw him, he looks kinda cute though) and asked him if he could help photostapt a chapter on the topic we're researching for MRM from the Media Studies book I borrowed from the library. The photostapt shop on the 3rd floor near our class is not open. I think the aunty there opens according to her mood. Good mood then she'll open, bad mood then she'll not open. Hmph! Anyway, I asked Aaron in my sweetest voice ever(I hope it is) and he agreed to help me do so since I was carrying my file and my Unit Reader and needed to go grocery shopping a little later after that.

I saw CW coming out of the class but since I was talking to Aaron, I didn't call out to her. My friend did instead. When I finally finish talking to Aaron and went back to the table where all of us are sitting around, I joined in the conversation my friend was having with CW and added words in order to justify our action. We said sorry to her and remarkably, she was able to accept it very well without much hassle. We're not sure if she's really mad or she's really ok about it but hopefully she's all right. After all, we're still gonna treat her like normal.

Other than that, everything went on pretty normal for me. I was out and about the college for another 1-2 hrs before I left to catch the bus to go to 1Utama to do my grocery shopping. Unfortunately for me, when I came out from the college, I saw the bus waiting at the end of the road and I ran towards it. But it didn't wait for me and left 5 seconds before I reach the end. >< No choice but to take the cab there. I saw my housemate descending from the bus when my cab passes by and called her to go grocery shopping together. Fortunately for us, her friend joined us after 1/2 hour or so and fetch us back with all those heavy plastic bags on both our hands. Muahaha........

And finally, I got to cook my own proper dinner after coming back to KL for nearly a month. I left my ingredients to cook in my slow cooker before I came down to online in the lab. Yum!

Phone Calls from Overseas

I had 2 phone calls from friends who are studying overseas for the past 2 days. One from my best male friend, Jon, who's studying in Curtin University in Perth, Australia 2 nights ago. I was delighted to get his call because we have not talk to each other for months, there's no email from him, I did not even see him online, etc. There was just no communication between us for the past few months because we're both just very busy studying and completing our assignments. There was some bad news from him. He told me that he failed 3 out of his 4 units which were pretty bad. Thus, he had to repeat another semester for the failures he had. He tried appealing to his lecturer or dean or something like that but it would not work because according to the school, he failed too many subjects to resit the 3 papers he failed. I wasn't too happy about him failing because he's my friend after all and I wished the best for him, but there's a tiny little part of me that's sort of excited and happy because when I go over to Perth for my final year in Murdoch, he'll still be around to accompany me for at least 6 months before he leaves. That is if he doesn't fail any more paper. Or else, he'll have to stay back the entire year with me in Perth. ><

The other call was from my friend, Kok Sin, who's studying in UK. He called me this morning when I just woke up and was still lazing on my bed. We talked a little while only because I need to wash up and catch a bus at 10 plus but it was pretty nice to hear from him after a long period of silence in his part. The words coming out from his mouth is still ever so sweet, always sugar-coated to make his female friends happy. And the best part was, he remembers my birthday. He mentioned the date and month exactly and promised to call me then. Hehe....he did mentioned about giving me a digital camera as a birthday present when I mentioned I do not have one but LoL, I know he won't buy one for me. Even if he really did, I wouldn't accept it because it's just so freaking expensive to buy a digi cam. Oohh...one more good news for me. He said I look thinner compared to CNY when he saw me then. Muahahaha....*delighted laugh continues* But the picture he saw on my Friendster was from last semester. I think I have gained some weight but not to the point of being fat like I was in A levels. =P

*skips off to dinner*

Battle of the Bitches

Yup, that's right. Battle of the bitches will be going on this semester. It was only a few days ago (approximately a week ago to be exact), that I told my housemate that I foresee a battle of the bitches going on this semester but I wasn't too sure who will be up against who then. And boom! It all started yesterday after our Principles of Marketing (will be known as POM from now onwards) tutorial.

There is initially 8 of us in a group. But one of them left the programme, changed to another college and will be taking up a whole new different course over there. When I heard that she left, I had mixed feelings about it. First, I felt happy and peaceful because she will not be around to create conflicts anymore. Second, I felt a little sad that things were not very good between us when she left, I sort of wish we could have really patch things up, be friends, that sort of thing before she left because of the spat and conflict we had last semester. After she left, another girl, CW(I won't use actual names here since I'm kinda bitching) started to join our group. We were not too happy about it cause frankly, all of us were not too fond of her. Plus, she was from this other group from the semester before us. There was some conflict going on between her and the 3 of them and she always bitch to us about the so-called leader of that group, CC. We do not like hearing about bits and info about CC from CW but we really do not know how to tell her to stop talking about her. And whenever CW bitches about CC, there's this sinister or cynical look on her face that scares the shit out of us.

Anyway, the 7 of us are in the same tutorial class for POM and would be nicely divided into groups of 3 and 4 between ourselves. I know we need to mix around with others but we're just quite comfortable with each other. I felt really, really comfortable with the rest because I felt more accepted in the group because of the one girl who left. I'm able to chat and joke with them more, and the rest of the group seem to be able to accept the real me. Back to the story. Before Soo Heng, my POM lecturer started to give her lecture, I was talking to one of my friends and asked if she had a group yet because we have to give group presentations for POM as part of our assignments. Before I could ask her if she wanted to join me, CW called her and started talking to her, so I turned behind and chatted with my friends for a little while. When my friend finally turn around to me, I asked her what she and CW are talking about and she replied by saying that CW asked her so that both of them are in the same group and my friend said yes. I don't know what got over me, maybe I was just too lazy looking for groups so I asked my friend if it's ok if I joined her and CW and my friend said yes. I thought I saw her breathe with relieve but it turns out to be kinda true. She wasn't too fond of CW being in a group with her but she doesn't know how to say no.

Then the 2 friends of CC asked another friend of mine to join their group leaving CC alone. But their really cunning and smart. They asked my friend to 'request' to join their group. All of us know that CC will bitch about the whole affair and she definitely wouldn't believe it if she finds out that her friends were the ones who ditch her. Our whole group advised my friend not to go along with their suggestion but still somehow, they manage to rope in my friend into their group thus leaving the rest of the group upside down and confused. ANd during the whole conflict kinda thing going on, CW continues bitching to my ears about CC. After tut, 5 of us sat down and began talking seriously about the problem that's going on. It seem to us that CW is using us to get back on CC and we'll be under fire from CC soon if we continue listening to her bitching about CC and hanging out with her so often. We talked about changing tut class and realize that we CAN make it a reality and went to Soo Heng and request that 7 of us change tut class to avoid the controversy because whatever that's going on between CW and CC's group is none of our business. We do not want to get ourselves involve in something as unnecessary like that and find ourselves being the bad bitches.

Thankfully, Soo Heng is kind enough to allow all 7 of us to change our tut class but the problem now lie with me and my friend to tell CW that we change tut class. The only thing that we're hoping for is that she wouldn't be thick skinned enough to change tut class because we're gonna tell her that we'd already divided ourselves nicely between the 7 of us and asked her to look for another group. Man, I feel such a bitch myself. But for the sake of myself, ourselves, it's best that we don't get involve as much as possible.

I foresee several battle of the bitches going on this semester and I foresee that I'll get involve in it involuntarily. ><

First Tut Assignment

I'm ready to tear my hair out right now! Our first tutorial assignment which comes up to only 3% of the whole course is giving me a big, big problem here. 3% may not mean much to others but I know how precious it is, it can MAKE or BREAK your grade.

For this first assignment, which by the way is for Media Research Methods (one of the dry core subjects I have to take this sem), we have to search through Murdoch's e-library searching for some journal on media research and boy, am I having a hard time searching for the right one. I'd been looking for hours yesterday and downloaded some into my USB but when I reached home to actually sit down and read them, I find none suitable even though them seem quite suitable when I was in the lab in college.

So, here I am. In the college computer lab again. Trying to look for the right journal. And one of my coursemates from the new intake just request that I search one for her too. Sorry dearie, but I'm having a hard time myself too. *starts tearing out my hair*

Long Meeting

I am so, so tired right now. Mass Comm Degree Club meeting just ended and I'd never felt so tired after meeting for so long now. We discussed so many things in the meeting that ended a while just now:- Orientation Day, Angel-Mortal game, Money making projects. I think we spend most of the time during the meeting discussing about the Orientation Day and the Angel-Mortal game. Come to think of it, the longest time we spend discussing our agenda would probably the Movie Screening thing which is one of a the projects that we're gonna do to earn money for the club.

I'm heading it and frankly, thinking of it and all the organising and moderating that I have to do freaks me out a little. Yes, I've been in committees before and I have arranged big scale things before but I have not done any for a long, long time now. I'm out of touch. And it's freaking me out. Maybe I should change my career choice from event management to something else. How the hell am I gonna do PR with such terrible skills? And the worst part was that the event is a last minute thing. We only thought of the idea last week and by next week, we have to put up posters and sell tickets and I probably have to stay back every single day from 16th-20th because we can only screen the movies after classes. The downside of it is the missing sales that we could have make from the diploma students because they are still having their holidays during our screening. I wonder if I could get Andrew to convince his friends to come to just to watch one movie or something like that during their holidays. On second thought, I doubt it will work even if he can make it himself. And we have to worry bout the movies that we're gonna show. Whether it's gonna attract people's attention enough to go and watch it. I think some movies will have good responses but some may not do so well. That's because movies we find interesting may not be as interesting to others.

Argh...I'm tired and sleepy right now. But I'm still in the college using the computer in the lab because I missed the 4.20pm bus and have to wait for the 5.10pm bus. I just sure hope that everything will turn out all right for the movie screening thing. And I'm gonna volunteer to help Po-Chien out with the Royal Parchment project (another money-making project slotted for September and October) because she's helping me out with the posters for the Movie Screening project. Not to forget Ken who volunteered to help with the tickets designing. At least I can take time off from these 2 important things and concentrate more on other aspects of the project. Hmm...come to think of it, I think I'll have to take a look at their work before they submit it in to our lecturer who is also our advisor on the Club.

*sleepy, yawns* Ready to knock off now. I'm wishing that 5pm will come soon because the seconds sure are ticking very slowly. Not to forget, my headache is getting worse by the minute. ><

A Lovely Surprise

What a lovely surprised I had yesterday! I was taking a nap when I got back from class in the evening around 5pm because of a terrible headache when I received a sms from my Mum. I ignored the sms and continued napping and finally read it when I woke up around 7. Mum said my friend from Singapore had sent me a package and asked me if I want her to open it so that I would know what it contains. When I saw that message, I felt a jolt of surprise because my friend and I had not written snail mails or emails to each other for quite a while now. Basically, the fault was mine because I was just way too busy to write and whenever I’m free, I’m just too lazy to sit down and write because all I want to do then is to relax. However, whenever I do online to chat and he’s online too, we’ll chat like we always do which involves a lot of insulting and sarcastic comments. It’s just the way we were. Ever since I got to know him when I was 16 or 17, we’d always chat like that although there were times when he was a really sweet person whenever I’m moody or feeling down. By the way, I’d known him nearly 4 to 5 years now. Hehe…I’m turning 21 next week! *hint hint*

Back to my story, I replied my Mum’s sms and ask her to open the package and let me know what it contains so that I could thank my friend properly. Mum finally called back after I sent my reply hours ago and proceed to tell me what he sent. It was quite a huge aromatherapy candle that stands at about 3 inch wide and a diameter of 2 ½-3 inches. It’s contained in a metal case. I don’t know what type of fragrance it is because I forgot to ask my Mum and she forgot to tell me. According to my Mum, the candle is quite big by itself but my friend sent it in a very, very big box. 2 times the size of a normal shoe box. A candle and a hand made birthday card in a huge shoe box. My Mum found the box hilarious because the candle and the card both did not require a big box, yet she was sort of horrified at the postal that he paid. More than $7 Singapore dollars.

Frankly, I find the whole incident to be very sweet. My friend is such a thoughtful person. Not to mention, sweet as well. And I’ve been mean to him so often. =P Plus, I couldn’t even remember the exact date of his birthday except that it was somewhere in May. And according to my Mum, he even made the card himself. Awww! It really made my day because I’ve been a little broody for the past few days. As my birthday looms nearer, I get broodier each day. Usually, people tend to get happier each day when their birthday comes nearer but I just had to be the opposite. One of the reasons for my being broody is the absence of my bf this birthday. For the past 3 and a half years that we’re together, he’s never missed one single birthday of mine, never failing to celebrate it with me. This time round, especially one the most special and significant birthday one could ever had, he couldn’t be around because he’s now based in Penang while I’m still in KL. *sigh* I’ve already predicted that he wouldn’t be able to make it this year for my birthday because he just went back to Penang last week and my birthday falls on a weekday but I can’t help feeling a little sad and disappointed.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter what my friend sent me because what the present is doesn’t mean much to me. It’s the thought that counts and I’m really touched and happy for the early birthday present that I received even though I’m not able to enjoy my present for the time being. Hopefully, as the days proceed nearer to my birthday, I’ll get happier instead of broodier. I’d never wish for anything in my past birthdays except when I was still a child but for this year’s birthday, I just wished that I could celebrate it with my friends and people I care about instead of not really celebrating it like in the past. The last time I ever had a major celebration of my birthday was when I was 9. After that, no one really celebrated my birthday. Every single year after I was 9, my Mum would buy a small cake home to celebrate it with me. As I proceed on to high school, my friends never bother to surprise me with any surprise birthday celebration or even make plans to celebrate it with me even though I spent time to plan a birthday surprise for them. Yes, I was hurt back then, but as time passes by, I started to ignore then pain. But for this year, this year only, I wish to celebrate the joy of it. I wish somebody would come up with some plans to celebrate it with me. But I know it’s gonna be difficult. And it’s only wishful thinking.

I had a lovely surprise and I’m gonna enjoy the feeling for the time being. Hopefully, the feeling lasts til my birthday. Meanwhile, Alen @ Kunbao, thank you for the present and thank you also for being so thoughtful even though I was mean to you for so long. ;)