4 Ds

Now, now, 4 Ds does not stand for 4 digits numbers. It doesn't even stand for bad grades. In fact, based on Murdoch University marking procedure, D is a very good grade. Come to think of it, it's the second best grade that a student can ever get in Uni life. You see, D stands for Distinction. Yup, I had 4 Distinctions in last sem. Frankly, I got the shock of my life when I saw the 4 Ds in my result slip.

Halfway through last sem, I was not even sure if I could get a D for any of my units because I felt that whatever assignments that I handed in was not my best. Apparently, I set a much too high expectation for myself because my lecturers seem to think otherwise. I had like 2 High Distinctions in my assignments,  a couple of Ds and a couple of Credits. There were times when I thought my assignments will gather me only Passes but I was wrong. INstead, Ds and Cs came my way. To note, I'd been really happy with the results I got last sem.

At the end of the semester, I was counting the marks that I had gotten and was only confident of getting 2 Ds and 2 Cs. Ds for Media Industries and Intro to Cultural Studies and Cs for Writing for Professional Purposes and Intro to Screen Studies. But getting a C for my screen test gave me a D overall in Screen Studies while my journal exercises and quizes helped me in getting my D for Writing. Now, I'd not done very well in my assignments for Writing. Basically, I did not really understand the questions and I was also having writer's block. >< Even my lecturer was disappointed with the work I handed in because after taking a look at my journal exercises, she had a very high expectation in my assignments. Although she didn't say it, I know she thinks the work I handed in for my assignments are mediocre. I got to admit that it was not the best that I did. I could had done better if I put in a little more effort and time to it. I know I can write well if I want to. If knowing it is not enough, my journal exercises are a big proof to it. If memory serves me right, I had 16/17 out of 20 for my journal exercises and I had a few goods and well dones scribbled over my exercises. *sigh* Anyway, it's already over. But I can't help thinking that if I had done better in my assignments for Writing, I could had gotten a HD.

Well, this semester is gonna be a big challenge for me. Firstly, I have 3 core subjects. Plus, I have to do a LAN subject. LAN does not stand for local area network for those who do not know what I mean. LAN subjects are required subjects that the Government makes us private college students take in order to get our degrees and diplomas. Else, our degrees and diplomas will not be recognized in the country at all. STupid system me thinks but what can I do? After all, they're the superiors in this country not us, youngsters. Bleh!

It's only week 1 of studies but I'm already feeling the pressure. THe pressure to keep up the good grades I obtained last sem and the pressure to maintain them to get the KDU scholarship. My Mum's been giving me warning on not to overstress and overpressure myself because from past experience, I'll set the bar very high and when I get tired and stress over it, I'll give up halfway. I know, it's a very bad habit. But this time round, I do not have the extra time to lose and do whatever trials and errors I did in the past. THis time, it's now or never. If I lose this chance this time, I'll never be given another chance in a hurry to repent my mistakes. I just hope that when I needed time to let out my stress, my friends will be there to support me and comfort me.

A Random Entry

My thoughts are pretty jumbled up right now. Things and situations that I had always thought will never happened to me but to others actually happened to me. Well, there's only one situation right now, but I'm feeling quite desolate right now. Helpless, scared, guilty, sinful.

I can't help but worry about what's gonna happen, etc. It sure doesn't help that while I'm thinking and worrying about all these, I have to bear the consequences of it. Why do women have to suffer because of men's laziness? I know I'm not suppose to worry and think about it too much but I can't help it. Even though I can't do anything about it right now, or even solved the problem right now, I just can't help it.

Thank goodness I have a friend who's really there for me. She's someone who I can open up to. I can't tell my best friends or other close friends because I know they would not understand. They would have thought that I was at fault. Come to think of it, I guess I'm partly to be blame. If I was more insistent, more firm in my choice, I wouldn't have to face such dilemma right now. *sigh*

Plastic Surgery

I was watching a tv programme on 8TV just now and frankly, I was feeling kind of sick watching the pain 2 women had to go through to look and feel better about themselves.

The show is called 'Extreme Makeover' and the makeovers that both women had to endure to reach perfection are really extreme. Literally. Both women are middle aged and with the few imperfections that they had, they still look ok to me. Not bad enough to endure such excruciating pain.

I'm not really sure how they choose people for these makeovers but I think these people either send in entries themselves or their family will send the entries for the producers to choose from. From there, 2 person are choosen for each episode to undergo the makeovers that will last for 6-7 weeks. Both men and women can have these makeovers and the episode I watched, 2 women are chosen. Both went for plastic surgeries, cosmetic dental treatments, Lasik and the usual whole package of makeover that is the norm in magazines and tv programme these days where a specialist would change your hairstyle and make up and clothing and God knows what.

Now, the dental treatments and the rest of the makeover are not really extreme makeovers. They are normal makeovers that people undergo frequently, hence it's not really that scary. That, I can accept because I've had dental treatments before. And having new haircuts and make up is nothing new in the makeover world. But plastic surgery?! One word came to mind - OUCH!

Both women had nose jobs, brow lifts, liposuction under their chins, breast lift and augmentation and one of them even went for a face lift. They showed bits and parts of how the surgeries were conducted and boy, were they disgusting! I was acutely aware that I had a funny look on my face the whole time that was really close to being disgusted. And I wasn't the only one with that look on my face. My Mum had the same look on her face. So, I asked her, if she would ever go for plastic surgery and she gave me a sound "NO!". "I'm ageing gracefully now and I intend to continue doing so". Yup, that's what my Mum said. When the nurses wheel both women out from the OT, they look like mummies!! And they were in excruciating pain! *pain look in the face* I told myself there and then that I wouldn't go through such pain to right my imperfections. Never, ever in a million years. I would rather age gracefully like my Mum and my aunts and never subject myself to go under the knife to look younger or more beautiful. I know it sounds quite idealistic of me to say so but seriously, I rather live with my imperfections than go through those pain.

No doubt, both women came out looking great. They look years younger than their actual age, they have bigger boobs, they have great hair, great makeover but the plastic surgery, *shakes head*, that's too extreme for me. I guess that's why they named the show 'Extreme Makeover'. *shudders*

War

I've never like war. Even when I was young, yet to understand the full impact of it, I've never like the idea of it. You see, I emphatize with people easily. So, whenever there are reports of war, and the victims and hardship of those who have to bear the brunt of the war, I emphatize with them. I feel their pain, their burden. Even though I do not understand war at that time.

I know it sounds weird, but that's me. I've always been some sort of weirdo since young. Not the really 'weird' weirdo but in a good way, if there is any. ;)

Anyway, I was reading yesterday's and today's newspaper when updates of the post-war in Iraq catches my attention. Yesterday's newspaper reported that a marine soldier was beheaded by the same militants that had beheaded the past 2 hostages that they had captured. The marine soldier was a Lebanese serving the American government. One would thought that the militants would spare his life considering that he was also an Arab and a Muslim. Alas, the militants are just waiting to wash their hands with more blood and proceeded to behead him. There were no big ho-hah news on this piece like all the attention the media lavish onto the kidnapping and beheading of an American, Paul Johnson (I think) and South Korean, Kim Sun-Il (I think so too, can't remember all the names).

Maybe the international media have smarten up and decided not to give too much attention to the militants. One newspaper reader, wrote and suggest that the media might be playing into the miliants' hand, because what the militants want after all are attention. But with the beheading of the marine soldier (he's the second one it seems), and the promise of the militants that there are more to come, perhaps the earlier rumours and fears about the missing foreigners are true. How many more beheading are going to happen? How many more innocent lives will be sacrificed before the UN do something about it? Or for the matter, anybody who has the power to do so?

Do we really want to sit around and wait for more news about beheading? Right now, nobody is doing much save for sitting around. Why so? Because it did not happen to people they know. Those who are dead, they are just names to them. People only start petitioning and taking action when the unexpected happened to them. Why do we, as human beings, act as such jerks and bastards and not do anything about it? Why are we so lazy that we didn't want to take any action to curb the problem before it gets even worse? WHY?!

First things first. All this is the effect of a single cause. ANd the cause? When that bastard Osama bin Laden decided to use his terrorists to destroy the World Trade Centre and when that ass of a President, George Bush decided to retaliate by going to war. He didn't even weigh all the pros and cons properly before he decided to go to war. No doubt there will be pressure for those around him, but he can't even fucking decide by himself. He seems more like a puppet who are control by the Ministers around him. A monkey who's fond of putting his leg into his mouth. >< In other words, he is just a big loud donkey who happens to have a really large ass!

Save from sounding like a Miss World candidate, whatever happened to world peace?!

*too piss off to write anymore....=P

I hate durians!

Yep, that's right. I hate durians. As a Malaysian, it can be considered as a big no-no. Mum brought home some durian for Granny just now but I was in my room, so I didn't know that she brought home the King of the Fruits. ><

Anyway, the moment I opened the door and came out from my room, the overwhelming smell of the durian is so strong that I just screwed up my nose and yelled, "EWWWW!! DURIAN! YUCKS!" My mum had branded me an ang moh when she found out that I do not eat durian and I can't bear the smell of it a few years back.

It's really a big mystery to her why I dislike durian so much these days. I used to love eating durian. Just the word durian itself can make my mouth water. I can just eat durian and feel full without the need to have any rice in my stomach. But the old Grace is gone now. The me now can't stand durian. Just the smell of it irks me and gets my nausea into full blast. Urgh! Thinking about just now, I can feel bile rising to my throat. *shudders*

I really do not understand why the sudden change in me that dislike durian so much. But I do pity myself when I'm surrounded with so many durian lovers in the family. And I really pity my poor bf. There were som any times when he actually wanted to buy durian because he loves them a lot, but I wouldn't let him because I just can't stand it! He'll give me a dejected look but agreed to whatever whims and dislikes I have regarding that forbidding fruit. Thank you da-da for understanding me so well!

Observations in a Governmental office

I brought Granny to the National Registration Office over in Bandar Perda early this morning to change her IC which was implemented by the Government several years ago. The office is suppose to open at 8am and we reached around 8.15am. When I went to get the queu number, it's already at 122 and it's not even 8.30am yet!

All sorts of thoughts went through my mind at that instant. My Granny is not one of the most patient person on earth and mind you, with her sharp tongue, it's bound to offend quite a number of people. I immediately inform her that we have to wait for naerly 2 hours before it is her turn to take her picture and suggest that we go for breakfast at a nearby coffeeshop.

At first, she agreed. But when there is not direct bridge from the office to the coffeeshop which is directly opposite the building of the Registration office, she got impatient and fed up with all the walking around. See, she had to walk all the way to the main gate and walk another distance before reaching the coffeeshop. However, because of her poor health, hence she's not able to walk far without feeling dizzy and out of breath. Since she got really irritated and angry, she proceeded to tell me off in a not-so-nice way that she rather not have breakfast after all and that she rather wait in the Registration office for her turn. So, I offered to accompany her to the office, find a place for her and go get some thing for her to eat. She proceeded to give me a glare and so, I told her, "It's up to you la. If you're hungry or anything, you let me know. Cause it's gonna be a very long wait before it's your turn."

Being a Monday, I think the theory where a lot of people call in sick or take leaves on Monday is quite true. The Registration office is so crowded that there are barely any seats left when we reach at 8+ in the morning. I had a hard time looking for a place for Granny to sit down. It was a while before I found any seats. There was this empty seat beside a lady which I saw was with her husband earlier. So out of courtesy, I asked her if the seat is occupied. She said no. So I asked my Granny to come to the front and take the seat since she was standing behind that lady. Behind me, was this Malay girl. I think she saw that empty seat because she was trying to manouver her way around me to get to the seat. However, I wanted my Granny to have that seat because she's weak and she shouldn't be standing around for hours. So, I purposely block all attempts by the Malay girl to get to the seat and got my Granny firmly seated before I turned around and glance at her. She was GLARING at me. :P LoL. I did not give her a second thought after that because hey, she's still young, probably around my age. She can afford to stand around, not my Granny who's nearly 79 this year.

Speaking of youths, I notice that a lot of youths and yuppies who were sitting around at the provided seats, do not stand up and offer their seats to senior citizens or pregnant ladies. From where I was observing, it saddens me to see that majority of those standing are senior citizens with their head full of white hair, while those sitting down, are youths that stare at them with indifference. Where are all the morality and ethical values we learn back in school? Did they disappear the moment we left high school behind? So what if they scored an A1 in their SPM for their moral when they are acting like it's their God given right to sit down and stare when they are still young and energetic enough to stand instead? If I were in their position, I will feel sorry and ashamed of myself if I did not stand up and offer my seat to those who needed it more than I do. WHy? Because I'm still young! That's why. I won't waver around if I stand too long but those senior citizens will, especially those who are 60+ and above.

Now, the procedures in the Registration office is that they will call your number, then you proceed to the first counter to have your picture taken. Then, you take a seat and wait again. They will call your number again and this time around, you will get your thumbprints scan and receive a receipt. Usually, one doesn't have to wait more than 15 minutes between the 2 procedures but because they have a lot of people in the office today, and the lady that handles the photography is a very fast worker, plus the scanners for the thumbprints did not work very well, there was an hour's delay between the 2 procedures. Thus, after taking her picture, my Granny had to wait another hour before she can get her thumbprints scan into the system.

After having her picture taken, there were no empty seats around. I was standing around, looking with a purpose for an empty seat for my Granny, and there are this group of youths around my age at a nearby seat, staring openly at me and my Granny. The more they stare, the more irritated I got. I had a good mind of giving them a piece of my mind on what I think their attitude is. The least they could do when they see my Granny was to offer one seat for her. But no, they just stared insolently at us. I nearly wanted to tell them off when I spotted an empty seat and quickly urge my Granny to that seat before some spoilt youngster decided to take the seat.

This is probably what I would tell them off.

"SInce you're staring at my Grandmother, you'll notice that she's very weak now wouldn't you? So why not give up you seat and offer it to her instead of just sitting there and staring at her with you mouth open wide like you're watching a movie?! Do you want to see her faint or something? Would you enjoy that? I bet you would!"

Urgh! How can some people be so insensitive towards the older generation? DOn't they have grandparents? Can't they sympathize with them and try to treat them nicely instead of being so rude, just sitting down there and stare to their heart's content? Maybe it's just me. I always have a soft spot for senior citizens and the disabled. Not forgetting pregnant ladies too. If I were in the LRT, I would stand up and offer my seat to them. I've always felt that it's the right thing to do. ANd the plus factor was, I felt much better about myself as a person after being kind to them.

I think that the Registration office should make their department senior citizens and disable friendly. Perhaps open up a special lane to cater to such special people. It's really unfair for them to wait for such a long time. Especially when quite a number of the senior citizens are not literate in Malay or English. I'd notice a few senior couples whom went to the office themselves and they had a hard time trying to get people to help them fill in the forms. They had to asked people around what are the procedures. And, nobody bother to help them, or were reluctant to give them a helping hand.

Plus, there were one or two disable there who came in a wheelchair. They had to wait like everybody and go through the 2 procedures and wait for such a long time. Thank goodness their family were with them! Imagine what would happen to them if their families were not with them and they had to handle everything by themselves? They would probably be as helpless as those senior citizens. BM and Penang are not like KL. KL are more disable and senior citizen friendly because it's the capital city of the country. But that doesn't mean that there are no senior citizens or disable in other parts of the country! I think the Government should really 'take a look' into the situation since that's they're favourite way of solving a problem and instead of giving more excuses, they should find a solution and make public places, especially Governmental offices, a friendly place for senior citizens, disables and pregnant ladies.

I have a good mind of writing into the newspaper and put in a complain about this senior citizen friendly thing. I just might do so in a couple of days. Hmph!

Feeling under the weather

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I've been feeling very dizzy lately and at frequent intervals too. Each time I got up from bed or from wherever that I was laying down or even when I got up from my seat, a wave of dizziness will envelop me and I had to stop and stay rooted at the same spot for quite some time before the dizziness go away and I am able to move around. I did not think much about this til a while ago. It definitely got a tirade of questions going off in my mind. Whether I was sick or something? Am I dying from tumour? Is it because of I'm a little anaemic? I know it's pretty hysterical thoughts but I can't help feeling worried.

Besides these bouts of dizziness, I've been suffering from gastric for the past two weeks that I'm back in BM. I didn't think much at the beginning because I'm just used to the dull pain in my stomach but for the past week, the pain was really intense and I keep feeling nausea all the time. There were even times when I nearly vomitted whatever I ate and I just lost all appetite throughout the whole day. I didn't want to see the doctor because I have my own gastric medicine, western and eastern type. You just name it. But since none of it is doing much help, I finally went to the doctor's on Friday and told him what happened to me. The weird thing was, the doctor did not even touch me to determine if whatever I told him is because of gastric or not. He just listened to whatever I had to say and immediately pescribed some tablets to take away my gastric. Some kind of a doctor! Hmph! But I guess he did refer to my old records that indicate I have a long history of gastric problems since young.

Because of gastric, I am not allowed to eat any spicy or oily food. And I feel very, very disappointed at both thoughts. Penang is a food heaven and all the good food here is both spicy and oily or contains high level of either one. I can't eat my favourite food! No doubt KL has all sorts of Penang food but it definitely can do much better in the level of standards because it doesn't taste like Penang food at all. *dreamy look on face* I've been having a lot of food cravings lately. Basically, cravings for Laksa, Nasi Lemak, Curry Mee, Dim Sum, etc. All are authentic Penang food that taste their best when eaten in Penang and for a Penangite such as me who has grown up eating nothing but delicious food, this is really, very torturous. I can only stare and smell the aroma of these food when I'm eating outside with my Mum and my Granny but I can't touch any of it!! *wails and whines* Serves me right for getting gastric at the wrong time and the wrong place. ><

Other than being dizzy and having gastric, another worrying problem that constantly fills my mind is my period. It's more than two weeks late now. Meaning the cycle has exceed 45 days, the max days that I've only experience once in my whole entire life. There's a constant fear at the back of my mind and it's the fear of getting pregnant. I can't afford to get pregnant now! I just can't! I still have my studies to complete. I still have so much goals in life that I want to achieve or at least experience before I get tied down by the responsiblity of having a family, of being a mother. I can't even go out and get home pregnancy kits because the nearest pharmacy is located in downtown where parking slots are nearly impossible to get. And the fear of being recognized by people who knows my Mum and my Granny is forever haunting me. Each day passes by with the hope of getting my period. Each day passes with the joy I will feel when I have my period. *sighs* And the worst part was my Mum keep asking me if my period's arrived yet. I have the worst feeling that she suspects something's amiss. ^_~ Oh well, I'll just see how things go before I go into hysterical mode. -_-