A Walk To Remember

It amazes me that I can still cry like a baby every time I watch 'A Walk To Remember'. No doubt it's an old movie but the simple story line that it has touches the soul like no other.

I still remember the very first time I watched it. I cried and cried like the world's gonna end yet at the same time, I did sort of wish that I could have my very own Landon Carter. I guess it's the romantic in me, that wishes for such things, or in this case, man. *grins* Anyway, 'A Walk To Remember' highlights a simple love, yet it is great because of it's simplicity. The simple yet great love between two souls. It talks about how somebody's life can change forever because somebody loves him and has faith in him. And how that love and faith gave him courage and faith to make him a better person. It also talks about how that love makes him wants to sacrifice everything so that he can have her forever. Unfortunately, Jamie Sullivan, the love of his life has leukemia and passed away in the end. But not before he did everything in his power to make her wish list comes true which at the same time makes her happy.

Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense, it is not resentful.

Now, isn't this the kind of love everybody wish for? It is the perfect love that anybody can ever wish to obtain. Yet, humans are happy to settle for a near perfect love, even though the love that they have in reality has flaws. Doesn't that apply to everyone? 'A Walk To Remember' may not be the greatest love story ever, but it does shine the right way with enough emotions to pull the heart strings. Even until now, even after a few years and having watched it so many times, the movie still has the right amount of mood and emotions to make me part with my tears. We may never know the true motive or intention of the movie, but one thing for sure, it does educate one about the wonders of love.

You may be surprise to know that the movie was actually an adaptation of a novel with the same title. I once read the book in a bookstore, and truth be told, it was much, much better than the movie. Not the movie was not good, it was. But the book was better. You know why? I cried even more through reading than watching the adaptation of it. It was actually suppose to be an embarrassing moment for me, to be crying in front of so many people when reading the book but I did not care because it was a good book. Come to think of it, it was the first time ever that I actually cried after reading a book so you can imagine how good it was. After so long, the story still touches right into my very core and I believe that it'll always be in be.

Eating Disorder

It all came to me in a jolt. I realised that I've been experiencing eating disorder lately. Not the serious type of disorder where I become bulimic or obese, no, no, it's not that kind. For the past few weeks, I find myself gradually losing my appetite, eating less and less. It even came to the extent where I only have one meal a day. *cringes* I know it's not healthy but I've never realised it until a moment ago. I don't know when it started, all these eating disorders but it came sort of like a revelation to me.

It started happening a few weeks back when I did not feel like taking rice at all, instead opting just to take dishes without the usual accompanying rice. For a normal Malaysian who's used to taking rice everyday, they would definitely not feel full after a meal without rice or noodles. But in my case, I was quite contented and felt full throughout the day until the next meal, which I repeated by taking the dishes of meat and vegetables without rice. From the habit of excluding rice, I graduated to eating only a meal a day. And I did not even feel hungry at all throughout the day after that. I ate everyday around 2-3pm without breakfast and come dinner, I still do not have the appetite to eat, worst, I don't even feel hungry, and throughout the whole night, there were never hunger pangs at all. None whatsoever even though I sleep at 3-4 in the morning.

It went on for quite a while until today that is. Today, I felt hunger, in fact, I was ravenous! I had lunch at 2pm and later on, I had 2 big buns at 7pm. It did not end there at all. By 10pm, I was munching on cookie bites and somewhere after midnight, I found myself cooking eggs and sausages, a perfect English breakfast minus the bacons. Considering the time gap, it will be pretty normal to eat like that, but to me, it's not. I felt myself eating like a glutton today. And boy, can I feel all the fat and cholestrol building up in my body right now. Urgh! >_<
I'll try to go back to eating normally starting tomorrow. With a glass of milk for breakfast followed by a proper lunch and dinner. Hopefully, I'll be able to do it. *sigh*

Genting Sky Venture

Ok... I was supposed to write something about my Genting Highlands trip during the Deepavali holidays ages ago. Or at least I planned to. But after returning from the trip, I just got plain lazy to sit in front of the computer to type anything out and soon, got caught up studying for the Marketing finals. Anyway, finals are now officially over for the Murdoch course. Only thing left is the Malaysian Studies finals. *sigh* Stupid LAN subject forced me to stay until early December. Else, I'll be back in Penang now.

The Genting trip was fun. It's a family trip cum holiday thingy with my father's family. And at the same time, I got to nose around on Uncle Edwin's love life. Haha...glad he told me the full details. Uncle Edwin's 36 this year and this girl that he's supposedly seeing is his first gf. Amazing huh? I know he'd dated around and all but he's never gotten serious with any girls. I wonder if it's the girls who find the problem in him rather than the other way round. Uncle Edwin's one of the sweetest man I know around. Of course it helps a little that I'm the only grandchild in my father's family for 20 years thus making me his only niece around. Muahaha....I guess the age gap between us is not so distinct now that I'm older, there's just more things to talk about and joke around. Even serious issues like his love life. I was actually very honoured that he trust me enough to tell me the whole story. Though after that, I was cautioned not to tell anybody especially Grandma. Haha...I sort of broke that promise to him. Can't help but tell Mum a little bit of the details of his love life. What to do? We're all just busybodies especially when it comes to Uncle Edwin's life, he is after all my favourite uncle and if not mistaken, Mum's favourite brother-in-law. Muahaha....

Back to the Sky Venture thing. For those of you who have absolutely no idea what the heck it is, well, it's actually a skydiving simulation they erected up in Genting. It was freaking expensive when it first opened a couple of years back, but recently, it's getting cheaper by the day. I think the slashed price has something to do with the school holidays though. Anyway, I was out on the second night walking about First World Plaza with Uncle Andrew, Ivan (another one of my uncles though I don't call him 'Uncle' cause he's only 7 year older than I am) and his gf, Joanne, and my great-uncle, when Uncle Andrew suddenly turned to me and started talking to me. This is roughly how our conversation went by.

Uncle Andrew: So, have you tried out the Sky Venture thingy before?
Me: Erm...no....but I would love to try it out one day though. Should be fun.
Uncle Andrew: Let's get you trying it out later then. After the Motion Master
Me: (dumbfounded) Huh? But it's so expensive!!
Uncle Andrew: (grinning like a Cheshire cat) Money is not the matter....the matter is...
Me: (interrupted)..but the matter is whether I dare or not ma right?

And so...after Motion Master, Uncle Andrew and I went to the Sky Venture building and he promptly paid for the both of us. It's my first time floating, literally while it's his second time. ANd let me said, it was exhilarating! The adrenaline pumping through my veins, floating in the air that's going as fast as 180km/hr....it's just indescribable.

Unfortunately, the whole adventure is only 2 minutes long. It was held in 2 1 minute sessions and during the first minute, I was flailing around the area like some crazy bird that lost its balance. In this case, it's more like a crazy person flailing around. O_O! Like I said, or didn't say, the first minute is more about learning how to balance yourself in the air, and going up and down by controlling the movement of your head, hands and legs. For the first few seconds, I sort of panicked. Embarrassing I know but I can't help but feel fear in me when I first entered the room, after flailing around for quite a bit, which left me with a very bruised back and left hand, I managed to calm myself down a little by thinking that the instructor is there with me and that if there's anything that happened, he will be there to safe me. At least that's what I think but it did made me calm down A LOT. And that was when I finally got my balance and float around nicely around the room. *grins*

The first minute felt like eternity, just me floating in the air and the instructor smiling and telling me good using hand signal. After that, it was my uncle's turn. Considering it's his second time, he's definitely floating around like a pro skydiver. ^_~ After his minute was up, it's back to my turn again. This time round, not so many butterflies in my stomach and I'm much more calm compared to the first time round. I step into the room and voila! No more tumbles, no more flailing around like mad person. After a little while, the instructor grab hold of me and swung me round and round and round, up and down up and down, doing 360 degrees turns. Boy, it was fun at first but after going round and round and round non-stop, it's dizzying to the head and I can feel my stomach turning and churning around. That was when when I thought that it'll be better for me to get back down. I gave the hand signal that I wanted to stop and that's it, I'm back at ground zero again.

It's an experience that will be difficult to leave my mind. And it sure didn't help that the instructor is quite cute for a Malay guy. *winks* Not to forget, I was actually quite happy that I have the adventurous side in me, glad that it's coursing through my veins. At least I've proven that I'm my father's daughter. =)

Scholarship Gotten!

Ohhh....I'm so happy now! Even the lost of a so-called friend did not dampen my spirits at all.

Just to refresh some minds, I was enlisted for a scholarship interview by my college a few weeks ago. After the interview, I was not confident of getting the scholarship because one of the interviewers were not too friendly and came across as rather haughty and prejudice. Thus, I did not place much hope on getting the scholarship. After the interview ended, a Ms Loo who was in charged of the scholarships told me to go see her assistant a week after that to get a letter stating whether I was a successful applicant or not. I was suppose to go get it last week, but after so much hectic studying and all, it just slip my mind til today.

So off I went to look for her assistant, Nor. Nor was actually in charge of PTPTN (it's a governmental loan for tertiary studies), and actually remembers me. Must be all the bugging I did last semester that ingrained my face and name into her mind up til this day. Hehe...Anyway, I went to see Nor and told her what Ms Loo asked me to take from her. Nor went through a few letters and said that my name was not there. And then, she informed me that the stack of letters with her are letters for unsuccessful applicants. Meaning, the letters with her are letters for people who do not get the scholarship. I was directed to look for Ms Loo and asked her instead. And that was what I did.

I asked Ms Loo about the matter and she went, "Oh, ya! You're G**** Q*** right?". After my nod of confirmation, she went through a stack of letters and took my letter out. She didn't even tell me if I received the scholarship or not. Just took the letter our nonchalantly and asked me to check my details on the letter to make sure that there's not typing error. As I read the letter checking it for spelling errors, it just gradually dawn on me that I finally received a scholarship! Even though it's not a full scholarship, they're giving me half the fees of my semester! Yay for that! I'm so, so happy. I couldn't help but keep grinning and smiling after that. I even went up to the office to tell Mabel the good news. Haha....I was that excited and happy.

Now, I can just imagine the smile in my Mum's face when I tell her the good news later. ;)

Angry, angry, angry...

With finals still going on and loads of studying to do, with one final assignment to accomplish before the end of the semester really ends, life sure sucks! It’s not all about studies, it’s about some personal issues too.
I’ve realised that guys my age sure do not act like they’re 21. In fact, their mentality is still of that like a kid even though they look and sound like adults. When you say something that hits spot on on the bull’s eyes about them, they’ll turn around and accuse you of painting an ugly picture of them, of how innocent they were, of how they were actually offering plain, platonic friendship but you read it the wrong way.

If all these sound confusing, stay on as I slowly paint the ‘ugly’ picture out.

I’ve been good friends with AR for several years now. I’ve always, ALWAYS treated him as a good friend. Even though he assured me several times over the course of our friendship that he treats me as a good friend too, it sure feels more to it. Let’s call it a woman’s intuition. Sure, he has helped me loads even though I’ve never asked him for any help. But his actions have always made me feel very, VERY uncomfortable. For goodness sake, for somebody who has a number of good male friends, I know how to differentiate between platonic treatment and more than platonic treatment. And the way AR treats me is definitely more than for platonic purposes. I though I was being paranoid at first and just kept quiet to myself, but as time passes by, and his actions made me even more uncomfortable, I told friends the entire story and question them for their opinions. What they told me just confirm my suspicions. Even a guy like AG told me the same thing any girl would tell me, that it’s more than platonic.

So what’s a girl got to do? I don’t like confrontation, so I took the cowardly way out, which I admit I’m quite ashamed of. I started avoiding him. Avoiding his calls, avoiding his SMSes, just plain avoiding him. After several weeks (or months) of avoiding, he sent a SMS this afternoon and asked what’s wrong, if he did something wrong, and that if he’s bugging me, he’ll stop bugging me. Not wanting to act like a cold, heartless bitch, I decided to send him a message through Friendster and explain. After reading my message, this is what he said to me through SMS.

"…what I was trying to do was offering real friendship to you without any strings attached. That’s all. I was never interested to going into anything more. I can’t believe you paint me as a dishonest person. I only wanted to be a good friend and have one in return. Looks like good friends don’t exist anymore. My honest intentions were thought of otherwise. Thanks for this eye opener. What I have thought about you was damn wrong. You read me in all the wrong ways. Guess this so called friendship is ended…"

It all sounded like he was defending himself. I knew he would. I knew long before I told him the truth that he would deny everything and defend himself. I mean which guy wouldn’t right? He already has a girlfriend but still obviously show more than friendship’s interest in another girl. And the fact that he doesn’t tell his girlfriend that he’s out with me is another proven point. There was once when we were out for coffee when his girlfriend called, and guess what he did? He went to the loo and took the call there, obviously telling his girl some kind of exaggerated story about how he got caught up in work or something like that. And his girlfriend dislikes me, practically hates me even though we’ve only met twice or thrice. His girlfriend knows that I’m not available anymore; that I’m only treating AR as a friend, yet after so many years, his girl still hates me. Obviously, she must be suspicious of him about me.

To cut a long story short, AR is acting like a small little boy who’s kicking back at the stone that made him fall, metaphorically that is. He knew that what I said was true, and he denied it, while trying to guilt trip me into thinking that he was misunderstood. Maybe he was. Maybe I am misunderstanding him, but after months of analysis, plus my intuition, I know that I am right and that he’s making me feel guilty. Never underestimate a women’s intuition.

If he wants to end the friendship, then fine. I have nothing else to say.