Hypocrite!

After our squabble about the way HE treated me even though HE has a lovely gf at his side, HE proceeded to dish out the phrase "You go your way and I'll go my way" to me. Annndddd, after that, HE promptly deleted me from his Friendster's list. I thought things would be awkward after that between us since we're both studying in the same college and boy, I thought RIGHT!
For the past 6 months, whenever we meet each other at the corridors or stairs or cafeteria or wherever, his friends would promptly greet me while HE walked past me without even a backward glance at me. It's as if I'm invisible to him. Fine, fine, fine! I didn't give it much thought since HE was the one who decided to severe our friendship in the first place.
And now, now...guess what HE did? He added me into his Friendster again!!! As if nothing happened at all!! How can HE treat me as if I'm invisible to him for the last 6 months and expects me to received him back as a friend as though nothing happened?? What a HYPOCRITE!!! H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E!!!!!!!
Arrggh!!!

Happy Tree Friends

Ever watch any episodes of Happy Tree Friends? No? You guys should try to watch it, at least one episode to see if you like it. Be forewarned though, it is absolutely, extremely VIOLENT. Yup. And you'll never expect it from an animated show.

Good old Serhan was the one who first introduced me to Happy Tree Friends on the world wide web one night when I was suffering from insomnia and had nothing to do. I think he did it partially to stop me from bothering him any further but now, I can see that he just plain wants to spread the joy of evil-ness around. No..serious, I'm not joking. Alright, alright, I'm exaggerating. But that fateful night when he introduced Happy Tree Friends to me, my beloved computer back in Penang lagged a lot and thus, my introduction to the world of Happy Tree Friends had to be postponed until recently.

Holidays had started. I had nothing to do since the library in college doesn't need me to come in to fulfill my scholarship assistantship (more about that in another entry). So, there I was, surfing the net while happily chatting away when I decided to visit Happy Tree Friends for the very first time. And what do I find there? Cute, cuddly animated characters that die horribly in every possible way in each episode. The end of each episode kinds of reminds me of the way Kenny dies each time in South Park but in Happy Tree Friends, you actually get good graphics. By that, I mean, really good graphics. You get to see the guts of the characters spilling out, brains, blood, everything gory that you can think of in a body. And that's pretty unexpected for a first timer cause like I said, the characters are all so cute and cuddly that you can never envision them meeting a gory end. So when it happens, it sure does smack you right in the face with a big "Splat!"

That very first time I watched Happy Tree Friends was without audio cause...erm...cause I couldn't find the plug in the CPU for my earphones? Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want but seriously, I looked really hard and really couldn't find anything that remotely resembles the plug for my earphones. Hence, I had to endure watching Happy Tree Friends without sound and I could only endure it for 5 short episodes. The gruesome end that each character meets at the end of each episode is a tad too much for me to take. And today, good old smart me decided to watch more of it WITH audio this time round. And after 2-3 episodes, that's about all that I can take. Sure, the music is chirpy like any cute, cuddly animation should be but the gruesome end that the characters meet? Makes it all very ironic and more than I could stomach. Maybe I should stick to watching it without audio.

Well, boys and girls, if you have a weak stomach, do not, I repeat, DO NOT watch Happy Tree Friends. But if there's the chance that you do, be prepared. Do not say that I have not warned you guys at all. Happy watching!

Sometimes I wonder...is it me or is it my friends?

I used to be very close with a couple of girls way back in high school. We're a pretty tight bunch. Doing things together, having pizzas after exams, hang out together all the time, etc. But after high school, things start to fall apart between us. Sure I still try to keep in touch with them but why does it always seem like I'm the one taking the initiative and they don't?

It's been nearly 5 years after we graduated from high school now. We did sort of keep in touch with each other...but somehow, I always feel like I'm the odd one out. No matter how much I try to take the initiative to keep in touch with them, my actions never seem to be appreaciated. Those whom I'm not close to takes the initiative to ask me out (although they've stopped now and it's my fault). BUt those who are suppose to be my "sisters", they are the one who forgot that I ever existed. And...it hurts....it hurts A LOT.

Sigh....I just don't know what I'm rambling about here.

*goes off to think about things and life*

Better Days

I've been meaning to update everybody that visits this blog for quite some time now about what has been going on between my bf and I but unfortunately, it has taken a REALLY long time for me to do so. What with all the deadlines one after another, I barely even had the time to go online and check my mail, least of all to sit down and blog. So...for all of you out there who's been asking about my bf and I and had shown a substantial amount of concern, here's the update.

Things have definitely gotten better between my bf and I. After the whole issue with K, we did had a fall out. I was sad and hurt and all I could do during that period of time was to yell and shout and scream at him everytime we converse over the phone. All that is gone now. He is more caring these days, at times sensitive towards my need, although sometimes, I still need to remind him that what I need these days is more towards emotional rather than physical.

It all happened after a long, long talk I had with him. During the whole issue that involves K, a lot of my good friends gave well-meant advices to me, asking me to leave a relationship that is obviously draining my energy and happiness away. And frankly, I really do appreciate what they had done for me - being there for me, comforting me, advising me, etc. And I really thank all of them for their well-meant concern (you guys know who you are). But at the end of the day, I decided to throw caution at/into (?) the wind and take a major risk in this relationship. I decided to give it another well-deserved chance. Part of my reluctance to let go of this relationship was because I've dumped so much into it, I've invested so much that letting go doesn't seem to justify what I've done to make this relationship work. Another bigger part, is that I still love him, in a way. I still love him but I find difficulty trusting him wholeheartedly these days. I know...it's not good for the relationship in the long run because relationships are partly built on trust but I'm leaving things as it is for the time being...taking things one day at a time.

Even after I gave our relationship another chance, things are still pretty strained between us because frankly speaking, my bf do not know the right way to having a relationship. I'm not saying that I'm an expert in it, but at least I know what I want and what and how I should do to keep the flame alive. My bf...*sigh*...to him, having a relationship is calling me everyday for less than 5 minutes to 'report' that he's safely home, that he's tired and that he's going to bed. Now, to me, or any other girl for that matter I believe, that is not having a relationship at all. Having a relationship involves a lot of aspect and one of the most important aspect is communication, good communciation. For a long distance relationship, good communication is practically the essence to a relationship's survival. At least that's what I believed in and that's what I wanted. How do you let your partner know what is really going on with your life in a less than 5 minutes call? Not much. In fact, it's practically close to nothing. Sad to say, that was what that has been going on between my bf and I for a really, really long time now. To me, it doesn't even feel like a relationship anymore. It's just like having another person reporting about their day in summary to me.

I tried talking to my bf about it for a very, very long time now. Each time he says that he understands when in actual fact, he doesn't. So during our especially long talk one night, amidst my tears rolling down the whole time, I made him understand. I made him realise finally about the way to having a relationship. I made him realise that his way or his thoughts about having a relationship were wrong. Most importantly, I made him understand completely what I was really feeling inside. And I believe this time round, he finally understood what I've been trying to convey to him all these while. Sure, there was some resistance to it at first from his part, what with him justifying his acts and all, but in the end, he accepted it and things have improved considerably between us.

Right now, we're trying our best to make things work for the better for both of us and for our relationship. There is definitely more giving than taking from his part. He makes an effort to communicate with me during our conversations over the phone. But the loveliest and biggest surprise that he had given me happened just over the weekend. He actually came down to KL to see me. And it was all a surprise. I was at my aunt's place and he just materialise in front of my aunt's house, without my expecting him to come down at all. Note that he has to travel nearly 500km down south to give me this surprise. Even though he could only spend half a day with me (he had to go back up north to work the next day), it was still a lovely surprise. It shows his initiative and perhaps his desire, to make things work between us again. If he keeps up this sensitive side of him, I have a feeling that things would change dramatically between us and this time, the change would be good. *keeping my fingers cross*