Better Days

I've been meaning to update everybody that visits this blog for quite some time now about what has been going on between my bf and I but unfortunately, it has taken a REALLY long time for me to do so. What with all the deadlines one after another, I barely even had the time to go online and check my mail, least of all to sit down and blog. So...for all of you out there who's been asking about my bf and I and had shown a substantial amount of concern, here's the update.

Things have definitely gotten better between my bf and I. After the whole issue with K, we did had a fall out. I was sad and hurt and all I could do during that period of time was to yell and shout and scream at him everytime we converse over the phone. All that is gone now. He is more caring these days, at times sensitive towards my need, although sometimes, I still need to remind him that what I need these days is more towards emotional rather than physical.

It all happened after a long, long talk I had with him. During the whole issue that involves K, a lot of my good friends gave well-meant advices to me, asking me to leave a relationship that is obviously draining my energy and happiness away. And frankly, I really do appreciate what they had done for me - being there for me, comforting me, advising me, etc. And I really thank all of them for their well-meant concern (you guys know who you are). But at the end of the day, I decided to throw caution at/into (?) the wind and take a major risk in this relationship. I decided to give it another well-deserved chance. Part of my reluctance to let go of this relationship was because I've dumped so much into it, I've invested so much that letting go doesn't seem to justify what I've done to make this relationship work. Another bigger part, is that I still love him, in a way. I still love him but I find difficulty trusting him wholeheartedly these days. I know...it's not good for the relationship in the long run because relationships are partly built on trust but I'm leaving things as it is for the time being...taking things one day at a time.

Even after I gave our relationship another chance, things are still pretty strained between us because frankly speaking, my bf do not know the right way to having a relationship. I'm not saying that I'm an expert in it, but at least I know what I want and what and how I should do to keep the flame alive. My bf...*sigh*...to him, having a relationship is calling me everyday for less than 5 minutes to 'report' that he's safely home, that he's tired and that he's going to bed. Now, to me, or any other girl for that matter I believe, that is not having a relationship at all. Having a relationship involves a lot of aspect and one of the most important aspect is communication, good communciation. For a long distance relationship, good communication is practically the essence to a relationship's survival. At least that's what I believed in and that's what I wanted. How do you let your partner know what is really going on with your life in a less than 5 minutes call? Not much. In fact, it's practically close to nothing. Sad to say, that was what that has been going on between my bf and I for a really, really long time now. To me, it doesn't even feel like a relationship anymore. It's just like having another person reporting about their day in summary to me.

I tried talking to my bf about it for a very, very long time now. Each time he says that he understands when in actual fact, he doesn't. So during our especially long talk one night, amidst my tears rolling down the whole time, I made him understand. I made him realise finally about the way to having a relationship. I made him realise that his way or his thoughts about having a relationship were wrong. Most importantly, I made him understand completely what I was really feeling inside. And I believe this time round, he finally understood what I've been trying to convey to him all these while. Sure, there was some resistance to it at first from his part, what with him justifying his acts and all, but in the end, he accepted it and things have improved considerably between us.

Right now, we're trying our best to make things work for the better for both of us and for our relationship. There is definitely more giving than taking from his part. He makes an effort to communicate with me during our conversations over the phone. But the loveliest and biggest surprise that he had given me happened just over the weekend. He actually came down to KL to see me. And it was all a surprise. I was at my aunt's place and he just materialise in front of my aunt's house, without my expecting him to come down at all. Note that he has to travel nearly 500km down south to give me this surprise. Even though he could only spend half a day with me (he had to go back up north to work the next day), it was still a lovely surprise. It shows his initiative and perhaps his desire, to make things work between us again. If he keeps up this sensitive side of him, I have a feeling that things would change dramatically between us and this time, the change would be good. *keeping my fingers cross*