One Final Chance

I received a message from a girl that I do not even know in Friendster last Friday. In the message, she claims to be my bf's gf, or at least was my bf's gf until Thursday night. And I'm supposedly to be my bf's so-called 'godsister'. Here's the message I saved from Friendster:

Hi G,

I would not be surprise if you wouldnt know me.
The fact is, I do not know you too. You got to be
feeling real awkward why am I writing you this long
winded letter about. Let me do a brieft introduction
about myself.

My name is K. I am AL's ex-gf. I do not
know you knew about my existances or not. If you
knew, hello again. If you do not, Hello then. The
moment I am writing you this, I just got off the
hook with your "kai kor". We just broken up. He is
now emotionally driven and needs your full support
desperately. If you want to know the true reason of
the breaking up; here are the written scenarios.

If you are thinking I do not know who you are. I
think I know enough between the relationship
between you and alvin as "kai chi mui" or whatever
bullshit. I dont trust in these things anyway..

It started out with your sms-es and some pictures I
saw in his handphone. The words of "I love you
daddy muacks." Is something unacceptable to me.
The more I read. The more I feel like throwing up. I
dislike competitions when I need to share my
boyfriend with someone non-blood related. If you
would wanna call me sensitive, would you like your
bf to recieve the same messages if you would to
be in somewhere distant with your bf and you do
not talk to him until midnight? Try putting your
feets in my shoe. Then we will talk. Short note;
you were a threat to my relationship. (Please take
notice of the past tenses).

Conclusion, we broke up as A is supporting
you. I am letting him go for good. He is emotionally
driven now. I suggest you give him a call and say
Hello.

You can call me sensitive. Every woman will be
unless you are a man. G doesnt seems like a
man to me. I do not believe you are transexual
either therefore I am writing this to you.

As now A and I has officially broke up, you can
call him Daddy and love you muacks all the time
as he can call you lou poh and baby as much as
you like.

Honestly speaking, I dislike sharing my properties.
If you want a piece of him, take him entirely. I aint
going to snatch him away from you. You might
wanna start calling me names. I do not care. The
true original reason I am breaking up? You can put
the blame on yourself.

You can blame it on my anger, sensitivity or
ignorances. I do not need a second opinion from
you. I am sick of trying to erase all the sweet
words you sent to A off my brains and the
name calling. The sms is hurtful enough, together
with the picture, I think I am through with it.

You would not need to worry no more. This would
be probably the only message I would send to you.
Till you reply or I think you deserve a reply, I shall
drop another 2 thousand characters over.

Fact is I would be going to the States soon. You
can have A all you want. If you want to know
how I feel, give me your bf's handphone number
and I shall drop a bomb of sweet "Hello Daddy,
blah blah blah, love you muacks" messages. Then
probably you will know how hurtful I will feel.

If you have respected him as you kai kor, I never
thought I was NOT respected as his GF. You can
not piss off as ALL i could ever care.

Here is the deal. Call A, and please be very
concern of him. He is very very stressful now and
desperately need accompany. I am sorry I couldnt
do the job because I am hurtful enough to heal
myself. I hope his "kai mui" will do it for him.

Take very good care and best wishes.. I hope after
this case, may my next coming relationship may
know have any "kai-chi mui" bullshiat.. I shall send
all my regards to you and A. May the lovings of
each other brings prosperity to your relationship.

Regards,
K

Yup...that's how the message went. I did not edit a single thing except for the names. The first time I read it, I was stunned, shocked. I wasn't able to register anything into my mind until I re-read the whole message several times. Then it hit me, "Wham!", just like that. A few thoughts were running around in my head. First, either she's lying or second, she's not. But what really got my blood boiling was the fact that she had to come and disturb my peace of mind when she's suppose to handle things with my bf. In short, she was supposedly to be going after my bf and somehow, I got dragged into the picture. I blasted my bf over the phone for this disruption of peace. I trust him enough to handle any unwanted attention from girls that are going after him from finding out about my personal life and from disturbing me but this is too much. And the fact that she found me on Friendster instead of messaging me through SMSes. That's the mind-boggling thing. How the hell did she found me in Friendster in the first place? She's connected to me through several people who are my bf's friends. Waiting for them to provide me with an answer as to how she knew who I was in the first place.

However, as I begun to analyse about the situation again and again, I find myself thinking about all possibilities. My bf could be having an affair with her behind my back and got tired of playing around with me, thus dropping the "bomb" that he actually has something going on with his so-called 'godsister' (that's me). Or, that girl could really be trying to break us up by creating a bunch of lies. One thing for sure though, my bf encouraged her enough to lead her to believe that she's his gf. One hand trying to clap doesn't produce any sound. In this case, it's quite obvious that one hand belongs to her and the other belongs to my bf. It also got me thinking that my best friend could be right when she told me that she saw him with another girl in Penang. After the description I obtained from my best friend about the girl, I'm very convinced that he really has been having an affair behind my back. I really can't believe that after all these years of sacrifice and understanding from my part, he would repay it all this way. There are just so many thoughts in my head right now it's hard for me to put them into words right now.

Most of my friends want me to get out of the relationship because they said that I deserve better and that I don't need this kind of shit right now. Some said that I should stay on because of the numerous sacrifices I had made for him. But to me, it isn't really important now whether I decide to stay or not. It's a matter of trust now. He breached the trust I had on him. And frankly, right now, I just don't trust him anymore. I kept thinking that all that he told me in the past, about how much he loves me, about how he would die without me, all those are just lies. LIES!! My best friend pointed a really good point. She said the moment I said that she might have mistaken my bf for somebody else, she knew how much I love my bf. To the point where I created all reasons on behalf of him. Thinking about what she said, I got to admit that she was right. I was in denial. I didn't want to believe that he is just like any bastard out there who treats a girl like that. I wanted to believe that he was special, that he was the ONE for me. Maybe I'm wrong after all. I really don't know if I would stay on in this relationship right now. But one thing for sure, if I were to stay, he really have to work really hard to regain my trust for him again but right now, right exactly at this moment, my trust-o-meter towards him is way, way below zero.

I guess like what everybody told me, my only mistake was to be blinded by love. Me, a cynical, sceptical person when it comes to matters of the heart, could fall prey to something that couldn't be explained by any logical reason. I guess love does hit you when you least expected it. All those times when he made me believe that he loves me more than I love him, it's just a ploy for him to get away with things that he did. He took advantage of my naivety, my innocence, and most importantly, my love for him. I'm really a stupid, stupid fool. I gave him the ultimatum just now. I'm giving him one FINAL chance and that's all he have from me. A final chance to redeem himself. I'm giving him the chance to regain my trust with a condition though, I'll be setting a time limit for him to do so. I would not be telling him how much time he has to regain my trust, but if during that period of time he is still not able to regain even the slightest trust from me, I'll let him go for good. That's my final decision. Right now, it's a matter of getting the courage to execute such plans. I have no problems about giving him one final chance, it's the part where if he is able to gain my trust. I really pray that when the time comes and I really have to walk away, God really has to give me all the courage He can summon in me to walk away for good. To walk away from all the pain, hurt, disappointment that the end of this relationship has given me. Until then, it's just a matter of waiting around and looking at how he's performing. Also, I'll make him repay every sacrifice I made for him. I know I sound really petty right now but frankly, I think I deserve to take back what belongs to me. Sigh...life sure sucks real bad right now. Missions to accomplish:

i)Concentrate on MPPL and Media Audiences assignments
ii)Stop feeling pitiful for myself
iii)Stop crying at every available opportunity
iv)Get a grip of myself and go on with life

As long as I can accomplish all four of the above, I'm safe for the time being.