20th July 2005

Awkward

Just last Sunday, as I was trying to sleep for the night, some thoughts flashes through my mind and my mind begun to think about things and events that had happened for the last 6 months.
First, there was the whole incident about my bf, Al's, so-called infidelity. Frankly speaking, I still have some doubts on what is and what is not the truth. The trust I have towards him had dwindled down considerably. But somehow, he has shown tremendous efforts to save our relationship and thus, here I am, giving him a well deserved second chance although some thinks he does not deserve it.

I admit that my studies were greatly influenced by Al's so-called infidelity. I did terribly during the first half of the semester. I did not get the grades that I expected and my studies plunged from top to bottom. However, I managed to pull myself up and forced myself to concentrate on what's important - my studies - and managed to pull through. Overall, my grades were rather good I should say since I expected the worse from myself this particular semester. After the private and personal turmoil that I faced for the last few months, I still managed to pull 2 Distinctions and 1 Credit. And I really thank God for that.

When my thoughts begun to slowly settle down, I lingered on the thought of Mabel leaving the college for good. Mabel's one of the nicest and friendliest lecturers around in college. And I'm really happy to get to know her as a friend also outside of college. She may be strict towards us students at times, well, most of the time but at the same time, she's leniet (sp?) and understanding towards those of us who were loaded with problems. Conclusion, she's one of the favourite lecturers around in college that practically every student adores and look up to. To me, she's somebody I truly admire for her tremendous courage and determination in everything that she does.

Time sure passes very quickly. At the blink of the eye, I've known Mabel for nearly a year and a half now. And all these times, I've always taken it for granted that she would continue to stay in the college and lecture even after I leave for Perth to continue my studies. I've always thought that there would be new batches of students that would get to know her as well as I and the others do. When she called one day during the holidays informing me that she had just handed in her resignation letter, I was shocked beyond words but most importantly, I was sad that she was leaving all of us. I knew no matter how much I pleaded for her to stay, no matter how much all of us pleaded for her to stay, she would still leave because her boss happens to be a real b***h who has been making life miserable for her at work for the past few months. Thus, I kept quiet and accepted her decision to leave without ever pleading for her to stay.

And so, last Sunday as I was drifting off to Slumberland, I thought of how awkward it would be to go to college and classes knowing for a fact that Mabel would not be around in the office anymore. She would not be around whenever I burst into the office looking for her. She would not be around to have lunch with whenever time is available. She would not be around counselling students and just gossip around about work and studies. There would not be any bumping into each other around the college. In short, she would not be around in college anymore doing what she loves - lecturing. Of course we will still meet up for lunches or coffees or just plain hanging out whenever we're free. But it still would not be the same anymore in college.

On a positive note, leaving her job might open up better prospects for her in her career and life. I know she wants to go back into the industry to work and I pray and wish her luck that she'll get what she wants and is happy doing it.

Mei, I know all of us are sad that you left the college and I'm sure everybody misses you already. It's been a pleasure being your student and I've learnt a lot from you. I'm looking forward to hanging out with you in the near future outside of college. Good luck in hunting for the job that you like!

Update: Mabel had found a job as a sub-editor in Cyberjaya with a better pay than being a lecturer. Hope she'll enjoy her work and feel happier at her new work place when she starts work next month. Cheers Mei!