Sad and depressed over Granny

I’m really worried about Granny these days. The short conversation I had with her just now on the phone gave me a really big shock. Her words are all slurred and she can barely talk properly. Plus, she sounded so lifeless, so unenergetic. It was really hard to register in my mind because I’d seen her a couple of weeks ago and she’s still quite ok. Not to the point of not being able to talk properly in proper sentences. When I heard her voice so weak and lifeless over the phone, I just felt like crying on the spot. It felt like she’s slowly slipping away from life, from all of us who loves her so much.

It all started with a SMS from my Mum on Friday. It was actually a SMS to inform me that the notification letter for me to collect my IC is here and I had until end of Dec to collect it. The next sentence that follows it was something about my Granny not feeling too well these days. I sense panic enveloping my body gradually and tried pushing it away. It was not the time to go into panic mode yet, it’s the time to think rationally and try to make sense of how unwell she’s feeling. Plus, the feeling of having period cramps then only served to make me feel even worse.

Anyhow, I managed to get myself home by 3 something and called my Mum to ask about my Granny. Seems that Granny’s been very disorientated these days. On a Tuesday morning, Mum left work as usual but Granny was still asleep and Mum didn’t want to wake her up for she sense that Granny’s tired. But later in the evening when Mum called home to check up on her, nobody answered the phone and Mum felt dread all over her body for she feared that something might have happened to Granny. Thankfully, work was nearly over then and Mum rushed home to check on Granny. When she reached home and saw the locked grille and door, she nearly went into a panic mode. When she entered the house, she saw everything untouched and thought that Granny had died or something. She started calling out for Granny and when she replied, Mum felt very much relieved.

Thing is, Granny thought that it was early in the morning when it was late in the evening. She had gotten her time mixed up real bad and that was why she slept the whole night and day through. The next day, she was feeling so weak and groggy that Mum didn’t really want to go to work but she had no choice. During lunchtime, she rushed home to take a look at Granny and bought her lunch. Mum insist on bringing her to the doc but Granny refused and insisted that Mum go back to work and that they will only go to the doc at night after Mum finished work. And that was what they did. The doc gave Granny a thorough check up and said that she had high blood pressure, something that she has never gotten before even at such an old age. Her diabetes went up and the doc even mentioned that there’s a possibility of her getting heart attacks as years passes by. The doc prescribed some really strong and expensive medicine for Granny to take to control her high blood pressure. After taking the medicine, Granny felt much better that very night and throughout the whole of Thursday. But come Friday, and she’s back to feeling unwell again. Mum even had to take half the day off to stay at home and make sure that nothing happens to her.

At first, I didn’t give much thought to how serious her situation was cause Mum has been filling me in with updates on Granny and this time round doesn’t sound as serious as the past few couple of months. I didn’t really register the seriousness of her situation until I heard her voice over the phone. My heart just felt like breaking into pieces hearing her feeling so weak over the phone. If possible, I rather take her place and feel all the pain that she’s feeling. And Mum said that she’s been talking funny these days. It’s all about seeing my dead father and great-uncle and great-grandmother. Granny even said that she felt somebody at home moving things around when Mum’s not around. That’s really spooky and scary. I can’t help feeling that she’s gonna leave us very soon.

I asked Mum if my uncle knew about her situation and if he’s been coming for visits and what nots. She replied that he knew and that he’s visited her twice so far. For a very long time now, I’d been very disappointed at the way my uncle treats my Granny and I find my respect for him gradually dissipating in the air as I gradually grew up and matured. I hope with Granny’s situation being like that, he will offer to loan his Indonesian helper to come and look after Granny during the day especially since Mum’s working. Frankly, if he doesn’t offer to do anything to help Mum out with looking after Granny, I’m gonna feel further disappointment over him and will probably lost even more respect for him. After all, Granny was the one who looked after him throughout his whole life til the day he got married when his own mother was too lazy to take care of him. He’s been living with her and Mum for over 20 years. And now that he’s quite successful, he sometimes neglects her, instead always choosing his wife’s family over us, over Granny especially. I can tell that sometimes Granny is very disappointed with his actions but she never said a word about it. Never complain or scold. She just takes it in her stride and refuses to see his weaknesses. Sometimes, I just felt like yelling at him. Questioning him how he could ever treat the one woman who sacrificed so much and took care of him when his very own mother was such a lazy bum, how he could treat her like this. Questioning him why he can’t be bothered to place an importance on her. W-H-Y? And Granny loves him more than she loves Mum. And this is how he’s gonna repay her? By waiting for the time when it’s gonna be too late to do anything else. If he doesn’t offer to help Mum out in looking after Granny and if anything happens to her, I don’t think I can ever forgive him. For with his resources, he WILL be able to find a way to help Mum out to take care of Granny during the day when Mum’s at work but if he’s unwilling, I really have nothing to say anymore. I just hope that by the grace of God, that He’ll prolong her life long enough to see me graduate with my degree. That’s the one and most important wish right now for me. That she’ll be able to see me wear “the hat” and know that she’ll be so proud of me…