Unexpected Statement

Instead of staying in and doing research for PR assignment as planned, I went for a movie instead with Jo and James in 1 Utama yesterday. Reached 1U slightly past 2 and went straight for lunch because of our growling stomachs. Bad decision because we should have went and gotten the tickets first. Unfortunately, we're so used to going out during weekdays and forgot the extra large crowd that visits shopping malls and cinemas and thus, was unable to get the tickets at the time we wanted. Sigh...mental note to self, must remember the extra large crowd that visits shopping malls and cinemas in the future.

Anyway, we were unable to get the tickets for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and have to settle for Bewitched, which was scheduled for a late evening show at 7.30pm. The time we got our tickets - 4.00pm. It was a rather undaunting prospect thinking about spending 3 1/2 hours doing nothing while waiting for the show to start but soon, it all proved well spent. Erm, well spent for shopping that is. It's be quite a while since I went shopping. So imagine the surprised I had when I discovered that there was less than an hour left to the show when we were finally sick of going into shop after shop and decided for a drink somewhere. We finally settled for Starbucks and that was where the unexpected statement was made.

Jo decided to get her eyebrows trimmed and reshaped and left James and I sitting around in Starbucks having our coffee making small talk. Main topic of the day was about friends and the ups and downs associated with them. I told him how my friends left me out from everything without truly noticing it thus rendering my life in the final year of high school a living hell and making me feel totally miserable. I also told him how being miserable drove me to the extreme and I created problem after problem for myself. I told him how I neglected my studies during that period of time and even contemplated suicide (yes, I really did wanted to commit suicide then because of depression, which unfortunately, nobody even notices because I was good at hiding my feelings then). Fortunately, my Mum found out about some of things I've done and broke down in front of me, crying because of what I've done. It was then that I felt myself to have awoken from a long nightmare. I was so guilty for what I've did, of how I've disappointed my Mum and let her down that I promptly decided to make things right and concentrate on my SPM. Unfortunately, I only had a month's time left before the exams and no matter how hard I studied, I only managed to clinched 3A's during that national exams.

It was during this particular revelation that James looked so shocked. He find it hard to believe that I've only gotten 3A's in my exams because according to him, "You're GQ wor, one of the smartest girl in our programme!" In turn, this unexpected statement gave me a shock for I've never seen myself as smart. Throughout my life, I see myself as only an average student, always failing to get the best results no matter how hard I worked for it. Even when I joined the Murdoch programme, I still see myself as an average student and constantly push myself to do my best. The constant mental pushing in my part produced results that were pretty unexpected in my life because I've never gotten such results before. For the first time in my life, I could feel that my family, especially my Mum, were so proud of me. It was the first time in my life that I felt so good about myself.

Reflecting on James' unexpected statement, I still do not consider myself as smart. What I've gotten so far, the good results and the scholarships that were awarded accordingly, I see that all as a blessing from God. I guess I'm finally in the right path now and God decided to reward me for finally choosing the correct path with results and scholarships. In the meantime, I'll continue pushing myself to the limit, pushing myself to continue get results that have been so unexpected in my life.