Nearly everything's done

Well, I've gotten my student visa granted already. All the proper documents are more or less done and complete except for the plane ticket, which I'm gonna confirm tomorrow. I've yet to make a list on the things I'm bringing over but that's easily done. All I got to do is sit down and start planning on the things to pack and how to pack them.

Sigh...everything's so surreal now. Going to Australia to further my studies, leaving my love ones back here in Malaysia. In fact, the mere idea of leaving Malaysia seems very surreal to me now. I can't believe it! Another 2 more months and I'll be flying off to a country with different cultures. I'm having so much mix feelings right now, excitement, fear, etc. I just hope real hard that things will go on smoothly for me - before I leave and while I'm there.

*sigh*

New Blog

When I first started blogging, I wanted to write about things that I care deeply about, things that affects people in general. What I had in mind was a blog that leans towards academics. But as I went on blogging, I found myself writing and sharing about my own life, my own experiences. And it was then that I realised that I no longer wanted an academic blog. In fact, I'm shaping my blog to be a personal blog, a blog where I get to voice out my thoughts and opinions, with the hope that someday, somebody will take notice of what I'd blogged. But most importantly, I had hoped that people who visited my blog will get to learn from my experience, that my experiences in life will somehow make an impact in their own lifes, be it big or small.

However, what I did not expect when I blogged here, was to be threatened just because certain people do not like the way or things that I blogged about. Whatever happened to freedom of speech?

Anyway, I have been playing with the idea of blogging elsewhere for quite a while now. And the opportunity came through Mei. I'll still continue blogging here about general issues or general things that are going on in my life. But all things more personal will be found in my new blog. Anybody interested to visit my new blog can either message me in Friendster (if we're connected) or MSN me or email me for the new addie.

It's always about him

The ex never fail to amaze me sometimes.

I know he'll find out sooner or later that I'm seeing somebody new now cause he visits my blog. According to him after we broke up, all he can do now is to love me in silence and the only way he can find out about what's going on in my life is through my blog. Hence, it wasn't a big surprise when he sms-ed me.

"Hi. How r u lately? Very happy for u tat u r happy now n
tat u found a new bf. Good luck n all da best for both of u. Take care
ya."

In fact, I sort of expected him to let me know that he's read the blog. What I did not expect is for him to turn my good news into something about him. Again.

A few hours after his first sms, he sent another that got my head shaking, not of pity, but of exasperation.

"Btw i also wonder how u can have bf so fast? Is it b4 we broke up u already
seeing this guy? Sigh..."

Up to this day, after more than 2 months, he still doesn't get it why I broke up with him. In fact, I think he has too much ego in him to live up to the fact that I ended things with him because he was abusing me emotionally. Not to forget the fact that he was cheating on me. All I know is that to this very day, he still thinks he's innocent. He seemed to have successfully convinced himself that he had never cheated on me.

*shakes my head*

Me thinks til the end of the day, in fact, til the end of the world, he will still think that I was seeing somebody else when I ended things with him. Come to think of it, if I really was seeing somebody else when I broke up with him, I wouldn't have to endure a horror rollercoaster ride of emotions for a month, I wouldn't have my heart broken into a million pieces. But then again, it's always, ALWAYS about him. He'll never understand.

It doesn't matter whether he understands or not anymore. It's my life now. My life's not intertwined with his anymore. My life, my future is now with another man. A man I've only known for a short while but have fallen deeply in love with.

Happy, happy, happy!

Ok, it's time for me to 'fess up. If I don't do it any sooner, the overwhelming sense of feelings inside me will only turn to suffocate me further. It's good news to me and people around me...though I think some of them think me foolish for making such a decision. Alrite...the thing that I wanna 'fess up to: I'm currently seeing somebody new in my life. Yep, there's a new man in my life now. Had been so for the past week or so.

No doubt we've only known each other for a short period of time. Many will think it's unwise of me to get involved with another man so fast considering the fact that I've just gotten myself out of a rotten relationship. Many will remind me of the rants and raves I've posted earlier, all about not trusting another man, all about starting a whole new chapter of my life in Ozzy, etc...I myself never expect the feelings to develop into something more. We're just friends at the beginning, just like any other new relationship started out. But as time passes by, I found my feelings developing in an extremely fast rate. Doesn't help that my 6th sense kept telling me that he's different from all those guys that I've ever dated. Most importantly, my 6th sense tells me that he will never ever put me through what the ex had put me through before. To quote James, "They're two different people, whose behaviours are at extreme points, with extreme differences".

Only a few friends know about it. And so far, all of them had given their stamp of approval on this relationship. No doubt I'll be leaving for overseas to further my studies soon but we've both agreed that as long as we're happy while we're together now, it's all worth it. To some people, it's utterly impossible to fall in love with someone so quickly, especially in such a short period of time and especially when I've just ended a bad relationship 2 months ago. But the moment I decided not to love the ex anymore, my heart had healed rapidly and before long, I find myself falling in love with another man. It was interest at first, then it developed to severe like, next thing I know, I found myself falling in love with him with every passing second.

It's not easy for me to fall in and out of love that easily. But when I do, it stays for a long, long time. This time round, there are just too many signs that cannot be ignored. Signs that show that I've made the right decision by seeing a new man. I know it's still rather soon to decide much but my gut feelings are saying so and my gut feelings had never been wrong so far.

I'm very happy with my life right now, happy with the way things are turning out. And I've never been this happy for such a long time now. In fact, I've never been happier. Even when I first started seeing the ex, I've never been this happy cause I was living in fear at the beginning of the relationship with the ex, fear that he will go back to his ex-gf. After I've gotten over the fear, I was still never as happy as I am now. This new relationship...I enter this new relationship without any fear whatsoever. And I'm happy! In fact, I'm crazily happy with life now!

Some of you may associate my being happy now with the fact that I've just entered a new relationship. Some sceptics and cynics in you may even think that this happiness will not last long cause I made a hasty and rash decision. But I'm very sure, in fact, I'm doubly sure that I made the right decision this time round. Yes, it's risky getting involve with another man so quickly, and especially so when I know that I'll be leaving for Ozzy soon. But for all
these overwhelming feelings that I have inside me, that I'm experiencing now, it's all worth it. Even if, God forbids, things somehow doesn't work out between us when I'm over in Ozzy, it's still all worth it.

I've found a better life. Right now, all that I'm feeling is happy, happy, happy!