I'm a little angry and disappointed...

To say that I’m not disappointed or not even a little angry at D is a joke. I expected her to comfort me because that’s what friends are for, even if they came in the form of housemates. But no, I went to her with my plight, and she gave me a “oh no, not this again” sort of look.

It all started in the evening when I received a phone call from Mum. She was crying hysterically over the phone without saying anything, even after I said “hallo” several times. That was when panic mode started to sink in in me. Mum finally said something and she said that Granny couldn’t really move and that she couldn’t recognise anybody. At first, I couldn’t make sense of what she was telling me. She just asked me to talk to Granny over the phone even if Granny couldn’t response to me or give me any answers. That was when all the tears came flowing out non-stop even though I knew that I shouldn’t be crying. When Mum answered the phone again, I quickly stabilised myself and asked Mum to do so. Then I asked her for an explanation. Mum gave me a brief explanation on what happened. Seems that Granny’s been sleeping the whole day. Even though Mum tried to wake her up and asked her to take her meals, she refused. Somewhere in the evening, Mum realised that Granny had urinated in her bed and that she was spitting out her saliva like a small little kid. Mum kept calling her but she gave no responses, only making nonsensical noises. Her eyes were looking everywhere and gave no sign of recognition of Mum. Mum said she had already called my uncle and that he was on the way. Finally, after comforting her a little while more, we hanged up and I called my bf.

Trying to call my bf was a difficult feat. I called every number available to him and he didn’t pick up any of his f**king phone. I was crying hysterically at that time because the feeling of helplessness was just washing me over, I could barely contain it. After much dialling and still no answer, I finally called my bf’s home and asked him Mum if she could get him. His Mum was kind enough to called him, from his mobile phones to his shop’s phone but she could not get him also. Finally, she called me back and asked for Mum’s number so that his dad could talked to her and find out what really went wrong (my bf’s dad was a doctor). And during this whole time, I was just sitting on my bed, staring into nothingness.

After a very long while, I needed the comfort of a friend and went out to tell D, who was having her dinner at that time. She did not only not comfort me; she rebuked me for crying over the phone when Mum called. She said that Mum called me for strength, not for me to cry along with her. Though I admit that what she said makes a lot of sense, that was not what I was expecting. I was in a state of hopelessness, all I wanted was some comfort. Somebody to tell me not to worry, that everything’s gonna be ok. Or even to give me a hug. Her reaction not only disappoint me, it also angered me. Just because she’s been through this kind of experience doesn’t give her the right not to care about other people’s feelings. If she’s angry with me for certain reasons, she shouldn’t have bring it in and sort of like rub it into my face when I’m in this situation, should she? It isn’t my fault that her friend sort of ignores her whenever we went out yum cha and talked a lot to me. I tried to pull her into the conversation but she did not really participated in it. She said she felt ignored, as if she was transparent or made out of glass because her friend was a very, very old friend of hers. It just isn’t my fault if her friend finds talking to me amusing. Why does she have to be so…mean?

I turned to her for comfort because I treat her as my friend. Even if she knows that my reactions are way overboard and unnecessary, she shouldn’t show me that she’s not interested. The least she could do was tell me, “I’m sure it’s gonna be ok. Don’t worry. It’ll be alright.” I mean, that’s what friends do right. When Weiling’s grandmother was going through a rough patch of time, I was there to comfort her. I couldn’t give her hugs because the conversation took place over the phone but if she was right there and then in front of me, I would give her hugs. In fact, I told her that everything’s gonna be alright even if I feel that it wouldn’t. I comforted her the way she expects me to comfort her. Why? Because I knew that she turned to me because I’m her friend. She knew that I’m gonna be there for her, to comfort her, to give her a sense of security when things are not right. She knew that even though whatever I said is not necessary true, that things will not be ok, she still wanted to listen to me say that, but why? Because it’s comforting to hear. When a person is shrouded by hopelessness, the most important thing to them then is C-O-M-F-O-R-T, comfort.

So D, if you ever come across this blog, and if you ever read what I’ve said and understood it all, please, please think before you act or in this case, said something. What you said and did hurts me a lot because I treated you as a treasured friend. Maybe you don’t treat me as that. I don’t know but please, when I tell you my problems, when I’m sinking into hopelessness, I turn to you because you’re my friend and all I wanted from you was a little comfort. That isn’t too much to ask from is it?