Finally...the truth....

After all that he had denied, he finally told me everything. He finally told me the actual truth.

Ever since he was working in KL, he had cheated on me time and again. Emotionally and physically. He had gotten blowjobs, had one night stands with girls and was emotionally attached to all of them before. And all these times, he defended himself vigorously, saying that he's really innocent and that he has never cheated on me before. And fool that I am, I choose to believe him all these while. I should have suspected something, anything when my instincts tell me that things are not as easy as it seems but each time, I choose to ignore myself and decided to believe him.

When he was still working in KL, he was emotionally involved with a colleague. He claimed that nothing else happened between them but somehow, I doubt it. And when he went back to Alor Star and work, he got involved with his dealer's employee, emotionally first before getting physical. That girl gave him a blowjob and he put it all down to him having extremely high desire. And what my best friend saw in Penang is true. It was really him with another girl that my best friend saw. And back then when I confronted him about the whole thing, he defended him again saying that he was busy working in Alor Star and that his mother could be his alibi. What a stupid fool I've been to trust him and believe him then!

It didn't stop there. He secretly went down to KL once without letting me know and had a one night stand with K after attending a party. He put it down to having extremely high desire (again!) and also being drunk. what an excuse!! What a lame, lame excuse!! And after that one night stand, K assumed that they were a couple and still he didn't say anything to rectify that. He didn't tell her that he has a gf - ME!! He just went along, playing with her, which end up with me being accused to be a third party!!

I made many mistakes in my life along the way. But the biggest mistake I've ever made is choosing to be with him in the first place. The past five years were full of memories - good and bad. I thank him for the good memories. But I thank him more for the bad ones...for without the bad memories, without all those crap and shit and hell he put me through, I wouldn't have learned such a valuable lesson in my whole entire life. Forgive me for saying this but I find it hard to trust another man in my life ever again. I know it's unfair to all guys in general for there are a number of guys who are truly gentlemen, who are truly kind and sweet and all things nice. To these men, I salute you. To men like HIM...may you continue to live in your sins forever. I pity you guys cause guys like that would never ever find true love and even if you do in the future, I'm sure things wouldn't go smoothly as planned because of your sins.

To Al, I know you would surely check out my blog. I have this to say to you. I've given you way tooooooooo many chances in the past five years. Chances that you do not deserve in the first place and yet, I still gave them to you. You said you regret cheating behind my back? You said that you finally realised that I'm the one you truly love?? You said that I'm your love, your life, your everything??? YOu asked me to give me one final chance for you to redeem yourself for the mistakes that you've made???? I tell you this: IT'S OVER!! O-V-E-R. OVER. If you do not understand the word, go check the dictionary. It's over for good! Finito! Kaputt! Whatever that you call it, it's over!!!!!!!!!!!

No more last chances for you. I gave them all to you and yet, you did not redeem yourself. Instead, you went ahead and fuck around like a bunny behind my back with other girls. You snuck down to KL to attend a party and later had sex with K. And you dare come to me and ask me to forgive you for good?? What nerves you had. After what we've been through, after the operations I had to go through, after all the tears, blood and sweat I put into you, you took all that and threw them right back into my face! You went around having AFFAIRS!!!!! You could rot in hell for all I care, you have nothing to do with my life anymore. I've washed my hands clean from you. You go your way and I go mine.

DOn't you dare come around and threaten to commit suicide. DOn't you dare come up to me and try to do the act in front of me. You can commit suicide and die for all I care, it has nothing to do with me anymore. After all these years that I trusted you, after all the faith I had in you, you actually have the nerve to fool around with other girls. Well, guess what?? Now that it's over between us, you can finally go fuck around with as many girls as you want!! No strings attached, no need to fuck around and feel guilt and regret later on!

All these while I thought you were overprotective when it comes to my life, I finally realise that it's all BULLSHIT!!!! You were afraid that I would cheat on you as you did me. I should have taken the opportunity and cheated on you in the past. When guys expressed interest in me and wanted something special with me, I should have just said yes and had that something special with them. I should never had said no to them and turn them away. I should have done the same and let you feel the same pain that you've inflicted in me, you bastard!

Last chance?? Forget about it! And don't you dare swear in the name of the good Lord. Don't threaten me using God's name in vain. Don't tell me that you're attending church and started praying to Him and that you finally believe in Him like I do. Stop pretending. Stop using all kinds of emotional tactics to try to get me back to your side. I'm no longer the same young, innocent, naive 17 year old that you met five years ago. I've changed in the last five years in case you haven't notice. Take back all your sweet whisperings and declaration of love and tried it on another 17 year old. YOu may have better luck there than here with me.

I do not hate you as it is. But I'm angry, hurt and betrayed by your actions. Most importantly, I pity you. I pity you for not being there to share and bask in my success in the future. I pity you for not being able to be an important part of my life anymore. I pity you for losing my love, my care, my everything. You are such a poor, poor man now.

I really got to thank you for opening up my eyes. I've finally seen the real you. You are exactly the same as any scumbag that I've met. Thank you for teaching me such a valuable lesson. And since you proclaimed to believe in God so much these days, may God bless you.