Every time I thought that nothing could knock me down from my reserves, something pops up and literally knock me down until I fall flat on my face.

I know it's still a rather short time for me to expect myself to heal completely from a scarred relationship. But I've gradually moved on. I find myself missing him less and functioning well as a human again. Still, curiosity sometimes get the better of me and I find myself looking for clues that I should not have. As if I'm looking for clues to reassure myself that I am doing the right thing ending things between us. And each time, I do not get disappointed at all. Every single time, I manage to find some tall tale sign telling me that my decision is right. Yet, every time something shows itself to me, I find my heart breaking again. Why is that so? Things have already ended. So why do I still feel pain whenever I saw things that I should have seen ages ago?

I'm getting bouts of depression lately. But I pinpoint it all to pms and the stress that's piling up from college. Oh God...I do wish that I would stop hunting for clues and evidences that clearly shows that he has been hiding things from me all these years. I'm just hurting myself further and getting obssessed for reasons that I myself cannot fathom. Everything is so jumbled up in my head right now. In fact, I'm not even sure if I know what the heck I'm writing right now.

Sigh...I really got to get out more often and meet more people.